​Nine months ago I was single.
I was in a good place spiritually, mentally and although I wasn’t going to gym as often as I had wanted to I was still going at least twice a week. I was in a good space.
 
Eight months ago
I was still single. Single but more ready to mingle than I had ever been.
 
Seven months ago
I met a guy. On paper we were perfect. He is a lead singer at an international church and I am a Sunday School teacher at my local church. We would chat most of the day and most of the night. A few Skype sessions here and there. We agreed on almost everything that was important to me. Basic principles which I thought were essential.
 
6 months ago
26 December 2016. We had our first date. Now, not only had I told this guy (Adam – let’s call him Adam for the sake of not repeating the word guy). Now, not only had I told Adam that I was new to the dating game but for purposes of full disclosure I had told him that I had never been on a first date, I had never had my first kiss and that the only intimacy that I had experienced with a guy that I liked was holding his hand as he walked me home from a night where we gave out soup to the homeless in our area. This first date was a big deal to me. It went perfectly. The most perfect of gentlemen. We did the first date thing, watched a movie and had lunch afterwards. He pulled out my chair, he walked me to my car and we kissed.
 
5 months ago
I love you was a constant thing coming from your end. I wasn’t ready to say those words yet.
 
5 months ago
I had to convince you. Long distance relationships are a bit of a challenge. You made it even more so when you would continuously remind me not to cheat. I would roll my eyes and brush it off. I mean seriously? Me? Cheat? Who would I have cheated on with? I’ve waited 25 years to call somebody my boyfriend, I wasn’t even tempted to talk to new men.
 
5 months ago
The first few red flag went up. We were making out on the couch and we stopped because I wasn’t planning on having sex with you. Later on that day before I left you said to me that in reality you stopped because you were a good person. That if you really had wanted to we would have ended up having sex. You proceeded to question me about my weight. As if I wasn’t fat the first time that we met. I had also told you that I was not into weaves and that my skin acted up more often than not. You questioned all of that. You would hint for me to look at girls with makeup, snatched waists would turn your head as we walked in public and you let go of my hand when we saw someone that you knew while we were out.
 
4 months ago
I needed a break. Your constant reminders of how I should behave were becoming a problem. I started to see you falling apart at the seams. Almost everything that you told me hadn’t come into fruition. The reality started to set in that I was really a feminist and that I spoke my mind on issues of race. Although you had said that there were things you were okay with your actions spoke a different story. As if I should just be the pretty girlfriend who kept quiet.
 
4 months ago
We had been dating for 3 months and I felt like it was time that I at least posted your picture on Social Media. Mind you, we still weren’t friends on Facebook and you never responded to my tags when I saw something funny on Instagram. You had somehow convinced me that the best thing for our relationship would be not to be public. In some aspects I agreed. You couldn’t agree with me though when I told you that there was a difference between being a social media couple and acknowledging your relationship on social media. In any case, I let it go and never posted our lovely pictures.
 
3 months ago
I asked you if you were excited for church. You sent me a voice note that your musical director had sent you. In the note he was super pumped to see you that night and couldn’t wait to catch up with you. It was sweet. What you may have forgotten was that in the same voice note he spoke about a girl from your church who was apparently eyeing you out and commenting about how cute you were. Red flag. How was it possible that you, Adam, spent soooooo much time with your church family and you had never once told them that you were in a relationship? So much so that they were trying to hook you up with girls at church.
 
We fought.
 
The words that you used centred around the fact that you knew many beautiful women who were just as awesome, just as smart and just as witty as I was but you had chosen me. That was the first time that you used the word beautiful and it wasn’t even in relation to me. To you I was just pretty, but other girls were beautiful.
 
3 months ago
I took a break from you.
 
3 months ago
We were back at it. I asked you to do the love languages test because perhaps if I loved you in a manner which you understood then you would understand that I wasn’t playing around. I had never envisaged dating a person only to break up with them soon afterwards. I was determined to make this work.
 
3 months ago
I was waiting outside church with your brothers when I saw you wave at her. Now it may seem petty but I saw it. The light in her eyes that you had noticed her and the small smile that you usually reserved for me. I’ve been in the church long enough to know that if you are in any sort of leadership you automatically become holy grail when women look at you. As women we see the potential of a husband who will lead us. The look that she was giving you was not a look of a female who knew that you had a girlfriend standing 100 meters away.
 
2 months ago
It had been over a month since the last time you said that you loved me. I said it to you today and you sent back a heart.
 
2 months ago
I remembered today how you had insisted that we watch the movie “War Room” together. As if you knew you were an asshole and that would give me hope that perhaps if I prayed you would change. You mentioned that you didn’t care that I sent you scripture verses from my daily readings. Adam, you grouped me in a category with some other girl who sends you daily scripture whom you never spoke to. Me, your girlfriend. When I explained that the reason that I was sending you the scripture was so that I could hear what your thought were on it. Ha! Your response was that I was aware you were a Christian and that proving it by sending scripture wasn’t going to change things. Which reminded me of how in the beginning you had told me that you were into reading your bible but I had never seen you open it once in my presence. 

 

 

PART 2 LOADING...

Published by Hulisani Khorombi