When I was in highschool, I imagined myself to be hands on when it comes to academics. I didn't believe that college was hard. I thought it was just an exaggeration..but I was wrong.  

I never thought that college would make my life miserable. It wasn't easy. It was never easy. I was so lazy to attend my subjects, I was so happy-go-lucky at first. I never thought my actions would backfire to me this much. When I was still a first year student, It was my first time to failed. I never thought it will bring such difficulties to my future. Reason of failing? FDA. I WAS attending my class but I'm always late. 

2nd year, I was still the same. Not totally the same. this time, I failed because not of myself, but because of someone else. I was dragged down and was forced to retake it. It literally broke my heart. I have an asthma but could you imagine that I actually smoked a pack of cigarette because I was trembling too much and I don't know what to do. I cutted my wrist because I was overthinking. I was down and depressed. That subject has 2 pre-req and I'm not allowed to take it. I was seriously downing myself too much. 

Questions were starting to form, "What would my parents say?" "How to tell them?" I was so scared. So scared that I actually didn't tell them. 

Anyway, I was scared to take the first semester of 3rd year. Could you imagine that? My standing is still the same! Means, I still have chance, haven't I? I was so proud of myself that I survived the first sem. But I was down again at the same time, scared, because I realized that every first sem, I always passed every subjects and when the 2nd semester ends, I have failing grades. 

This second semester is actually a suicidal sem for me. I have thesis, theater, Commsoc and Speech and Radio prod. I mean, what the hell. Those are majors! I kennat. (cri) But you see, I'm trying my best. Because this is my last chance to prove myself. there's no room for mistakes right now. This is my last fight. And I'm actually in need of encouragement. And as stated in the bible John 16:33 

33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

So, No matter how long you take in college, be calm. Everything will be okay. You will eventually overcome the fear. Always trust, always persevere! 

 

Published by Lindsáey Erianne