Why some people in our lives are not meant to stay? Why can we still feel pain and love at the same time? Why can everything be felt while we are broken? Questions that I asked myself and took a long time to find and understand the answers.

It’s hard for me to let go of people and live my life without them. It was in my 18th year of existence when my grandma “mama” left us suddenly and when my heart was left broken for the first time. I grew up with my mama and considered her as my second mother. She raised me up and helped me who I am today. And that’s where I encountered these two words “moving on”. Yes, it was not from a heartbreak in an intimate relationship with a guy but a heartbreak in losing someone that you will never see again in your entire life.

It was hard for me to process what was happening to me that time. I will wake up every morning reminding myself that she isn’t there anymore to cook my sunny side up for me. I have to remind myself that every time I will leave for school that she’s not there anymore to say goodbye to me. I guess it was really hard for me because I really didn’t get a chance to say goodbye and tell her things I should. Until now, my heart is breaking to pieces every time my memories go back to that night when we rushed her to the emergency room. It took me a long time to move on and accept the fact that my hero and my great cheerleader isn’t there anymore to support me. It’s been 8 years but sometimes I wish I could go back in time and tell her things that were left unsaid.
With all the pain I was feeling that time, I distracted myself through my studies and my ministry. I spent my time serving others and focused my mind on making my promises to her come true. Losing her made me a stronger person. It taught me how to move on and accept things I can never change. Yes, everything happens for a reason even if it means to lose someone you love.

Right now, I finished a college degree and now a registered and licensed Architect, just as I promised to her when I first entered our campus as a college student. But I did still look for her when I was taking my oath as an official professional, though I know I will never see her there in the crowd.  I did still hope that she was part of the crowd when I received my diploma and my award as an outstanding graduate in our batch.

Published by Tina Maria