The Five Worst People in the World

 

We all have them. People who just irritate the bajesus out of us. Sometimes it’s glaringly obvious as to why, but sometimes we just can’t figure it out.

There are a few people I think are the worst people in the world… But I’m not always sure why. So here I have hypothesised why I think it is.

I hope it will help you when you try to decide what it is you hate about your nemesis.

 

Kim Kardashian

There are many obvious reasons to hate Kym Kardashian. Partly the whole, you know, ‘being an untalented nobody who has built a whole franchise that idiots follow based on the sole reason to her fame being a sex video’ thing.

But honestly, I think it’s her jeans. Like, her ripped jeans.

I mean, the older you get the more minimal the rips should become. But she’s pretty much got her whole bloody leg out. She may as well not wear the jeans!

I don’t know if it’s some statement against society… Like, society wants her jeans to be intact, but she doesn’t conform – it is standard that people wear jeans that are not ripped, but not her! Oh, not her…

I remember bringing home some jeans that we fashionably faded once when I was a teenager. My Mom made me take them back and complained to the manager that they were selling clearly worn jeans.

 

David Hasselhoff

Most people reading this, I assume, are from the land of America. If so, hello from the UK. If you are from America, you were lucky enough not to have your Saturday evening TV viewing taken up by Britain’s Got Talent with this guy on it.

I mean, what is his talent? What is it about him that people like? He isn’t endearing, smart, witty, likeable… Yet people go crazy, like, “oh, it’s the hoff, he once ran on a show on a beach for a few years.”

Go back to Baywatch, David. We don’t want you here.

 

William Shakespeare

Do you know what, talented guy! Honestly, he did what he did and he was good at it. He got a few plays published, a few performed, wrote a few sonnets…

I just wanna kick the guy in the balls.

I don’t know why! I actually really like Macbeth. I don’t begrudge teaching Romeo and Juliet to my English classes.

I think it’s just how much I was forced to plow through his plays at school. I mean come on, there are other plays, and some proper good ones – so why force us to keep looking at this dude who writes all funny.

He’s not bad though, mind. Dude had a piercing.

 

That Girl at Work

She’s perfectly lovely, I get on very well with her and I would consider her a friend. But she does my head in.

I think it’s just the ridiculous things she posts on social media. Like, all the friggin’ time.

She posts selfie after selfie after selfie of her posing some ridiculous pout, either with a filter or a comment that says “no filter.” Then she posts statuses about she can’t figure out why she doesn’t have a boyfriend.

I just want to hold her still and say “it’s most likely because of your largely irritating attention-seeking personality.”

Since I can’t post photos of her on here, I have replicated the photos myself.

   

 

All Pugs

I don’t get it. People seem to be obsessed with these dogs right now. They are repulsive. They have ugly squished faces and the only thing I can look at when they are wobbling around are their gigantic bollocks.

I mean, seriously, I see people tickling their belly and I’m like… “Careful, you’re going to brush it!”

I just don’t get it.

Published by Rick Wood