Here’s a challenge for you all, a nice way to introduce you to my new blog here:

Name one person who has never been nervous or skeptical of change.

Take a few seconds, I’ll wait.

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Done? Alright, that was a trick question, of course you can’t come up with an answer. It was a joke. We have fun here. 

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The point is when we go through moments of change our entire lives flash before our eyes: our current, comfortable lives, that is. It’s like a death or a near death experience. Change can be good or bad, but it is always traumatizing because one thing is for certain: you won’t be the same afterwards.

That alone is a terrifying thought: where will the old you go? You were so fond of that guy/girl, they always bought you chocolate when you were down, you don’t want them to leave you all alone in some unnamed territory with no fucking chocolate, that’s just rude.

But we’re rational beings and whether you have a religious/spiritual background, a secular background, or are just not quite sure whether your background exists at all, (it could or it couldn’t, who could really know anyway?), we all agree that humans have no other option on this planet than to adapt. Those who don’t . . . well, they don’t really live to argue against me, do they?

Because we’re rational beings, we also have the ability to make choices. You’re not forced to take a promotion at work. When you have your first newborn, you’re not forced to tend to it’s needs. When that one guy with one pair of sunglasses over his eyes and one pair of sunglasses hanging from his V-neck cuts you off in traffic, you’re not forced to stifle your anger and allow him and his worn out fashion statement to live, you could just as easily murder him. I mean, good deed of the day right?

When you realize your mental health affects your functionality, you’re not forced to put the work into gaining that functionality back.

But you can.

So what we choose is just as important to the way we change and why we change as the change itself is.

What does that mean? That means we have a lot more creative freedom in this life than we think we do. Sometimes we have chains on our mind and we tell ourselves we “can’t” do this, we “can’t” do that, but those are just ways we convince ourselves to choose comfort over change.

We don’t choose to struggle mentally, but we do choose how we react to the struggle. Either it smothers us or we adapt and maneuver and find the advantages hidden underneath all the horror.

Words are easier than actions though, am I right?

And more often than not those of us who struggle with our mental health feel trapped within the whirlwind of it all. We're trapped within our medication routine, we're trapped with the voices in our head, with the manic swings and depressing lows, we're paralyzed with anxiety and paranoia that keeps us confined within the walls of our room and the bone of our skulls.

At that point, it feels like a "can't". 

Everything feels like a can't when you've been systematically told you're broken, ill, sick, and disordered. Sometimes we start to believe it. And when we start to believe it, it becomes part of our identity, sometimes even devours our identity and morphs into a doppelganger of it. 

It's that "other half" of us that if we could just get rid of, life would be so much smoother. If I could just stop hearing voices, if I could stop being depressed, if I could stop having anxiety . . .

So we try and fix it. You always fix what's broken, right? 

But what happens when you try to fix what isn't broken? 

Welcome to my blog. The above is what I have struggled with personally and what I've seen others struggle with: are we broken? Or are we being told we're broken?

What is normal? Is it subjective? Does it even exist? 

They've bounced me back and forth through more diagnoses than you have fingers on your hands, I've been on medication, off medication. I've seen people ruined by diagnosis and liberated by diagnosis and a mix of the two simultaneously by diagnosis. 

This blog is an attempt to understand mental health in a different light. It's a reminder to those of us who struggle that our struggles are more valid and human than they are a reason to hate ourselves. It's an information source for the public who has no idea what schizophrenia is other than the mass murderer they see on T.V or has no idea what depression is other than the lazy character on the sitcom who was cured in one episode. It's a reminder for all of us that the DSM (diagnostic and statistical manual) listed these "disorders" as reactions until there was an outcry for scientific proof . . . at which point they switched to the term "disorder" and said "we'll find the evidence later". 

The "Evidence" is far and few between and highly unreliable. 

This is the field I am in professionally. I am proud to be one of its largest critics that is also one of its largest advocates.

I'm a fly on the inside

And this is the diary of what I see in our politics, in our health industry, in our psychology, and in our daily lives that shapes our views of "mental disorders".