"Faith is living in hope between now and then.  Faith is not seeing and then believing; it is believing and then seeing."  - Dr. John Jackson

Here I am, struggling to have faith, even though I know I should not falter from my path.

I'm not struggling with any person, or project, or opportunity or anything like that.  It has more to do with the fact that my memories of Tall have hit me all of a sudden, like a ton of bricks.

Yesterday I got to enjoy a beautiful dinner with two of my favorite people, gifted to me by Tall: Laila and Hunter.  After an amazing home cooked meal, and enjoyable evening, Laila pulled out her wedding album to show me pictures.  I hadn't seen her wedding pictures to date, so I was really excited to go through the album.

As we neared the end, I noticed that she had done an outfit change during her reception, and I commented on how beautiful she looked.  Laila looked at the picture, and it was obvious her own memories were running through her.  Without looking up she told me that no one had known about that dress or the secret dance she had choreographed for her groom except for Tall.  Ton of bricks right?

Missing him never goes away.

I know, through my own personal healing, that he is fine and happy.  He is content with the way things ended, and he isn't holding on to anything or anyone on this planet.  His business, and his life on earth are finished, and in order to let his soul rest in peace, I need to let him go.  I know this.  The problem I have is the letting go part. For some reason, I just can't.

I want, so desperately,  to pick up the phone and talk to him, to send him an Instagram DM or text message; I'd even settle for him coming over to my apartment and hijacking the TV remote to watch ESPN while he falls asleep on the futon.  I just want my best friend back.

With a saddened heart,
Vaishali