The first rule of being single is to learn to love yourself.

I sat down on my bed after a long lazy day of trying to pack all my belongings into boxes, to realize that I have been single for 3 months now.

It seemed so unbelievable that the moment I woke up from my day dream was the exact amount of time I spent in the relationship. We were dating for 3 months - seemed like eternity away.

It seemed like ever since we broke up I had been living in a dream and finally after three months of being single - I can now exhale. It is over.

We are done and there is no going back. There is no more wishing, no more hoping you would text me to see if I'm alright. There is no more 'that guy looks like you' moments or wondering if I made a mistake. There is just me and God, both of us finally in agreement that the single life needs some embracing.

Oh and there are no more men!

That one took a bit longer to embrace, didn't it Lola?

Yep, it did. And I am better for it. 

 

So counting down with my fingers how long it took me to get ready, working out in my head the things I need to let go of, the people that I brought to our relationship, the mess that is my heart and the stitches around it, the things you tried to 'fix' and the times I pushed you away. I realize that I was selfish. I was wasting time, both our times and I was in this fantasy to ever think that your shoulders were big enough to carry my baggage. Your shoulders aren't big enough but His are. So I broke up with me and the men from yesterday, I told my brother that I was finally ready to move on. I didn't cry, it really wasn't a tough decision to make - I think I made it a while ago, it's just taken someone to push me over the edge, it took someone to declutter everything in my head and rearrange it from 'important' to'not so important'.Someone to talk some sense to me and not sugarcoat the mistakes I made to make me feel better. It took someone to judge with love.

So now God is on top of my list as always but right under Him is me. No not my education, not the men in my past or the one coming in the future, not my family and work, no not the fact that I am broke but I gotta pay the bills. None of that, just me. My joy, my happiness, my experiences though hard, my laughter that exposes the gap in my teeth. These wrinkles line near my eyes and the spots that come whenever I eat nuts. The stretch marks and the scars.

These days I can actually look at myself in the mirror and think 'Girl you are fiiiiinnnnneeee' without and with makeup but mostly without makeup. Most people will call it vanity but I call it Loving thyself. The big booty no longer attracts me and I got curves hunny (you just have to look real close), I love my skinny ass and masculine legs.I have protruding collarbones and a loud laugh. The blunt way I speak and adventures I come up with. I think its beautiful! I am truly wonderfully made.

No longer (well not completly) fixated on another woman's looks -I can finally look at another person and just smile at the uniqueness of her beauty. Look at another couple and

"Heartcheck!"

"You good girl?"

"Yeah girl, this couple look good though" 

No desperation just dreams and a lot of heart checks, just to keep me safe.

The first rule of the single life is to love yourself, have fun, go out, make new friends, travel.  The second rule is to learn to walk in love. I spoke to a friend the other day and he advised that in a relationship 'Don't fall in love, walk in love'.

So here I am Walking in love with myself, with God. I can say that after one day of this, it has been interesting.Elevating others and learning from them but mostly elevating myself and learning from me.

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So this is to my single friends. Love yourself...only then are you able to love someone else without ever forgetting who you are. Only then are you truly able to give yourself (all of you) to one man/woman. Then you can truly depend on God and not be dependent on your spouse for happiness. And you won't be bored being alone by yourself lol.

Cheers to the One...who is Me.

Published by Lola Bamigbade