Am I the only mommy going through a major mental breakdown because my daughter is graduating from preschool in a few weeks? I delivered my daughter on a gray day in February, and my world has never been the same.  She kept me company as I watched the Lakers in the playoffs. She quietly shopped with me, keeping me company, she even loved listening to my crazy music, she was my living, breathing doll baby to adorn with baubles, beads, ribbons and frills.  And I certainly did. 

 

Mommy, are we going to Jack’s birthday party? She asks me yesterday.  She’s 5 now.

 

Where did all the time go?  I remember being so frustrated with changing endless diapers.  I remember being so tired of nursing and wondering when it would finally end.  I remember wondering when on earth I could take an afternoon nap alone again.  Now here we are planning the Pre-Kindergarten end of school year tea party for her friends.  This isn’t fair.  No more casual days skip days lounging at home together or picking her up early-just because I miss her sweet little face.

 

Kindergarten is a big deal.  A much bigger deal than I have given it credit for.  I spent months selecting the right kindergarten environment for my little offspring.  Don’t get me wrong, I am very pleased with the school’s program and with her new teachers, but that’s not the point.  The point is that my little girl is growing bigger and bigger by the minute and before you know it she will be running off to college.   

Am I being selfish?  I should be happy for her, thriving, learning, and creating.  The truth is that I hate letting go.  I have spent the past five years being consumed with what she ate, her schedule for the day, he doctors and dentists and now I have to take a step back and she will take a step forward.  I have to be strong for her.  I can’t possibly show her that I am feeling this way, then she won’t know what to think about kindergarten.  I have to pull out my mommy smile and I have to tell her that I am so very proud of her and that she will do great!

 

This is May and I am a weeping puddle of tears.  I’m sure that I will get it together, but not in the next couple of weeks.  We will spend the summer swimming and taking road trips, as my little girl is growing up.  I have to accept that.  There is no alternative, no option to pause.  Is this how my mother felt? 

 

Mother’s Day just passed and I called my mother, but until this very moment, I never realized that it must have been just as hard for her with us growing up and moving on. 

Published by Tanika Belis