I originally posted this on my blog: www.aliciajames101.com a year ago and I know it's still relevant today

 

I've gone through a lot lately and it feels like I'm hitting rock bottom. You know that feeling of everything below the iceberg hitting the surface all at once. I knew my life was a mess but I didn't know how to fix it. For every time I tried, I ended up falling back into the same mess. Despite all these, one thing kept me going and of course the one thing that matters.. Family..

Yes, family. The main people we take for granted. I'm the chief of this association and it's something I'm very ashamed of but I just have to admit. My mother does her best to keep in touch everyday but being the plate of beans I am, sometimes I feel like she's disturbing me and needs to just drop her phone for a minute. I mean, why is she even on any social media in the first place? Calling me once a month is just fine.

My brother, my darling 'Fire and Ice' more of ice though we just never clicked. Mum always says she doesn't understand the bond between us and gets jealous sometimes but we just never clicked. We were two strangers in one house, same blood running through our veins, very close in distance yet so far. We were very okay with our relationship but deep down I knew something was missing. I wanted more but I was too proud to make the first move. How shallow my thoughts were.

There's another brother.. Gosh that boy pisses me off. It's like his mission in life is to make me angry 24/7. Sometimes I feel like strangling him. If he sets his mind to frustrate you, you're finished. Of course he knows when I'm ignoring him but I love him like crazy.

Then there's the family you don't share a blood relationship with. Yes, the ones from other mothers. Those friends that become family and you can't imagine life without them. You see I hardly let people into my life because I love my peace of mind and honestly, I don't need excess luggage on my journey to the top. I love to travel. Talking about each of them will turn this post into a book, lol. Oh well not so many just enough.

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So few days ago, I got thinking how foolish I was. The one thing that matters most, I take for granted. The amazing superheros we call mothers that God established a unique bond between them and their children to feel when things are not right with them. Isn't HE just wonderful?. The way he has wired us all and the bonds he has established within us. Every time something is wrong with me she calls and tries to make me laugh. She's not perfect but shows me love in every little way she can. I'm sure I made her feel like she's bugging me so these days she doesn't check up on me daily and when I don't hear from her I panic. I panic because she hasn't texted me in days not because I texted and got no response, imagine that. One day I felt so rough when I picked up my phone and texted her ' I Love You Darling Mother' she replied with 'Err, is there a problem?. God!! I almost buried myself. I asked if it was a crime to tell her I loved her and all she said was 'You never do so I thought something was wrong with you'. In my defense, being a good child and having good grades was enough love and appreciation shown.

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Since I'm blessed with a lot of siblings, one of them actually taught me how to set up a relationship with this brother of mine that I just never clicked with. It felt so hard and impossible at the beginning and I'm sure he felt it too but now we're inseparable, we never run out of things to talk about, and I owe this to her. One thing she said that I'd never forget is 'Your family is your best friend and they're all you have when the world turns it's back against you; they never forsake you' If there's one thing I'd always love her for is making sure we clicked. Thanks Big Sister.

And the one that pisses me of, Oh well let's just say that's his way of showing his love for me and now that he's gone 'AWOL' I miss those moments of anger. I can't wait for his return, lol.

I recently downloaded an app (Goalist) which helps me plan my daily activities and that was when my stupidity dawned on me properly. There's a part of the app that records how often you spend time with family and I laughed when I saw it because it looked like a joke to me. That got me thinking of  the time I actually spend with them. Whoever created that app must have realized how immersed we are with other things and forget family so he thought providing a section in the app that reminds you to spend time with family might just help. I'm so into myself these days that I unconsciously push people who care away but I have made a conscious decision to appreciate each one of them.

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To keep me accountable, I have decided to take time out to understand their love language. This process is helping me realize they don't want so much from me just the love. Each of them has a unique love language and it's actually an interesting discovery for me. Their actions have also taught me a valuable lesson that love is not a business transaction, they keep showing me love even when I don't deserve it because it costs them nothing but adds a lot to my life and makes them happy while doing so.

To my big family, I love you all and I will amend my ways but please don't expect change overnight. It'll be gradual. And to my new-found family, yes you reading this post, my apologies for posting this late. I hope the excuse I gave at the beginning is justification enough, lol..

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So what have been your experiences so far with your family? How much time do you spend with them?  How you keep the love burning?. Would love to learn more.