I find in the process of mourning the loss of our children, I’m on quite the roller coaster. Now I really do love roller coasters! They remind me of some of the most entertaining times I had in my childhood. I’ve ridden them with family and friends alike. I like to put my hands in the air and let out a good scream on the terrifying downhill run.rollercoaster3 I like some more than others. One time at Lagoon, Mark and I were with Lauren, Christian, Jonathan and Michael along with Mark’s sister’s family. We got on a ride that said, “You WILL get wet”. We sat in a long row and were turned upside down and then rotated like a chicken roast through fountains sometimes being suspended for the anticipation that grabbed at our stomachs. I laughed so hard I thought my abs would bust.

This roller coaster is a bit different. I don’t really like this one. Some people ride this longer than others and some people actually ride this roller coaster of emotions their whole lives. Every waking moment is complete with unexpected twists and turns. I might be on the tracks going up the hill anxious about and readying for the thrill of the downhill.RollercoasterThen in the thrill of great moments, I have tears because I have always dreamed riding this hill with my entire family with our hands in the air and exultingly screaming all of the way down. Then there are the even tracks where I can take a breath but get caught in memories or “what if’s” and “why not’s”.

At first crowds of any kind were as hard as the uphill climb of anticipation. Now, in our day to day routine, there isn’t as much worry. Traveling became hard, knowing the normal positive and negative things we can encounter getting in lines, watching after our little girl, using public bathrooms, sharing public settings in airports and restaurants.  I find myself carrying a new set of essential oils that are not only for head tension or seasonal threats but more for emotional ups and downs, anxious moments and restful nights. I reach for oil blends that have Melissa essential oil in them for the very low moments and use them like perfume. I love the blend Motivate and I never liked it much before. I also reach a lot for the blend Balance because it’s the grounding blend. It helps me even out as I get going for the day or am getting ready for bed. There are a few others I like like peppermint, wild orange, cedarwood and arborvitae. 13244199_10100649254071792_6226734451679655797_o

It’s been 3 months now since we lost our sweet Kathryn and 8 months since we lost Jonathan to his mental illness. I got started with essential oils for Jonathan’s emotional support and learned so much more than I ever imagined I would. Now, I am using them as I stay real and ride this roller coaster of mourning. I don’t like it but I do respect it and want to feel the ride so that I continue to stay real in my life and for my loved ones. Being present in life means the world to me and it feels like the journey I’m intended to take. That brings some measure of peace in the middle of internal insecurities.

Affirmations and Connections and Releases: I am connected to God. I am connected to my family. I release feeling that something else horrible will happen. I release fear. I release anger. I release sorry. I release worry. Even though I have experienced great loss, I can have the fullness of joy now. Even though I have felt the flood of emotions, I have a peaceful heart. I have clear thoughts. I communicate with clarity with my family. I am supported. I am good to others even in anxious moments. I am good to myself in anxious moments. I have many healthy, happy moments every day. I have loving relationships.

Essential Oils: Peace Blend, Motivate Blend, Sandalwood, Wild Orange, Peppermint, Lemongrass, Immortelle-Anti Aging blend with Rose, Console Blend, Cypress, Detox Blend/Zendocrine, Douglas Fir

Published by Sherrill Moody