Thousands of books and articles have been written about how a marriage should behave to be happy. The relationship is a fertile field for conflict and where there are self-help books. But "quantity" does not mean "quality." Our knowledge about marriage is usually limited to a series of commonplaces and trivializations that, although they start from certain premises, are of little use.

When you really need help in your relationship, the first thing you do is ask your friends, who end up releasing the same commonplaces.

Praise your partner and be affectionate
Researcher Terri Orbuch, better known as Doctor Amor, one of the world's leading experts in relationship matters. He has studied the behavior of 373 marriages for more than three decades and has concluded that happier couples are those who affirm their affection on a regular basis: they complement each other, help each other, support each other, and engage in non-sexual affective behaviors, such as holding hands. And surprising as it may seem, men are the ones who most need this effective affirmation, because women usually get it from other people who are not their husbands.

Stop talking about home, work and relationship problems
Another feature of happy couples is that "they often talk about matters that have nothing to do with the relationship. A good way to strengthen the couple is to book at least 10 minutes a day to talk about other things that are not related to work, family, home care and the relationship itself. It is not as simple as it seems, with which it is falling it is difficult to ignore how you are going to pay the bills. What you are going to do to eat tomorrow and who is going to take care of walking the dog, but it is worth making an effort to forget of all this and talk about movies, music, politics or whatever. This small change "instills new life into relationships".

Stay alert
There was a time when marriages were forever, and it was not because they kept working, it was because there was no other. But nowadays there is no space to take everything for granted. If a couple gets bored ends up disappearing. When couples said their relationship was routine or annoying, they were increasingly unhappy. Escape from the routine is essential for things to work. No big changes are needed, just do new things as a couple, as the novelty releases dopamine and helps maintain the feelings of romantic love.

Try to look at the good
The best way to avoid judging your partner more than the account is to try to see if the positive overcomes the negative: instead of looking at everything you do not like, think about the things you do like.  

Do your life
Matrimony must preserve the independence of the parties: "Keep the relationship with your friends and your family, pursue your own interests and help who needs it. If your primary energy is not focused on living your own life in the best possible way, you will be too focused on your partner, in a worried or critical way. "

Look for the soft emotions
When we discuss with our partner, two types of emotions come to light: the "hard," such as anger, which is more visible, and the "soft", such as anxiety or vengeance, more difficult to detect. Behind a "hard" emotion there is always a "soft" emotion, which is usually at the base of the conflict. If we want to solve our problems successfully, we must focus on the "soft" emotions, a tip that serves all kinds of relationships, not just those of a couple.

Published by Mudassar Ali