Oh where to begin...

Well, the past couple months, I have been chatting off and on with my best friend, who is going through some stuff. One night he said something that got me thinking (the hamster wheel turning, if you will). He asked me if I remembered how much fun we had when we were barely able to drink (I think we were 20, but who's counting?). I said of course I remember and his response was "why can't we go back to that time?" 

Bringing me to my point. Why are we so afraid of change? It's human nature to avoid it as best we can. Change makes us feel we are no longer in control, and that is scary and it is uncomfortable. So what do you tell someone whose life is changing against their will? "It will be ok"? "Everything will work itself out"? Will it? I mean of course we hope for the best, we knock on wood, cross our fingers, throw salt over our shoulders, hop around on one foot in a circle 10 times, whatever it takes to bring luck (ok I made that last one up) but the truth is we don't know and that scares us.  
I would never wish bad luck on my best friend, if I could take away everything he is going through right now, I would, but how do I begin to help him climb out of this hole?  All I can do is offer my ear and shoulder to cry on and that doesn't feel like it's good enough. 

Change is inevitable and fate is a sadistic bastard sometimes, reducing us to tears and fetal positions until it goes away. What do you tell someone that they haven't already heard, when it all feels so half hearted?    

We are built to withstand all kinds of stress, but unfortunately we are not equipped to handle long periods of stress. Pretty soon we develop chronic anxiety which leads to health problems, high blood pressure, headaches, our immune system becomes weak and the viruses just line up, and then there's panic attacks. 

The truth is that it does get better and that's when the tunnel vision clears and we realize that things changed for a reason and now life can go forward and get better.  Unfortunately we need to find this out on our own, but how when the anxiety is crippling?  

I don't have an answer to this, all we can do is be supportive of those we love who are going through this and watch for serious warning signs of depression and addiction (the two are synonymous) and get them help from someone qualified to help them. There is no shame in anti depressants and anti anxiety medication, they don't solve problems but they do help you to solve them. On that thought, alcohol does not solve these problems either. 

Alcohol is a tricky one, you watch someone trying to solve problems through the bottom of a bottle, knowing that they know damn well it won't help.  You could lecture them but that usually ends up being counterproductive, plus you know they've heard it all before.  So what do you say? "I get it, your reasons are understandable, just be safe and when you're ready to talk call me, anytime". 
Just don't give up on them, as much as it hurts you, be the rock they need.

So, in taking my own advice...

If I could take it all away I would, unfortunately I can't but I can listen and offer encouragement. 
For you, I'd do anything. 

Published by Liz Zemlicka