I'm new here so I figured my first article published should be about me. The kind of writer I am. The things I write about. What you may or may not find if you follow my articles. 

And then I read an article on the Huffington Post this morning about death. Or rather, about the deaths of numerous individuals due to a terror attack. So I decided to forego the "About Me" article.

Every single day, like most of Generation Y, I wake up and I look at my phone. I go through my Instagram and my Facebook feeds. I double-tap to produce a red heart and "Like" the things that aren't all that important. Then I move on to the serious stuff. 

This morning, the serious stuff was about Istanbul. About three suicide bombers who chose to go to an airport and take innocent lives. To approach a place of reunions and departures with loaded firearms and bombs.

And as I sat on the step outside of work reading this article, I silently let the tears stream down my face. Because this is what our world has come to. We are inundated day in and day out with post after post about hate crimes, terror attacks, Syrian refugees, starvation, murder, death. Every. Single. Day. 

Sometimes I think the world is a beautiful place. I see locals buying meals for the homeless. I watch children and teenagers laughing on the streets with their friends. I encounter a friend unexpectedly at my favourite lunch spot. I interact with a customer that is cheerful and pleasant.

But most of the time, I think the world is dark. I see people shoving others off the tram. I listen to customers argue with my coworkers. I notice the clouds in the sky, threatening to pour buckets of rain down on us. I read these articles.

And I lose hope. I lose hope that people are good. That, intrinsically, we want to help others and trust others and make the world a better place. Maybe I'm a pessimist. Maybe my fascination with the crime page of every news outlet is having too much of an affect on me. Maybe the stories I hear from my clients* on a weekly basis make me this way. But that's how I see the world today.

Broken. Torn. Jagged. Harsh. Tiring. 

And I'm tired. I am tired of all the unnecessary death. I am tired of being scared that my home or my workplace or my college will be next on somebody's list. I am tired of seeing the darkness and the clouds and the never-ending string of names that will end up on gravestones in the days to follow.

And I am tired of posting articles about how tired I am.

*I'm a psychologist in training so, I hear a lot of tough things that people go through.

Published by Michelle Teo