This story is 100% completely true. This is just a summery of what I've been through so far this year... I'm sorry if this affects anyone...

I thought he was the same funny, sweet, kind lad I grew up to know... How I was wrong...

I've had a couple of relationships in my time. Only one that was considered serious before I met him.

I was at my sisters flat in early December, while my sister was at work and my niece was at school, I decided to message my friend Donald, to see if he was about town, to see if he wanted to meet up as I had nothing to do and was bored out of my mind.

I got a text back saying: "Funnily enough I'm in the car park round the corner from your sister flat. I'm in my mate Tony's car, Tony Godfree? I think you mentioned before that you knew him." I agreed to meet him there in about 5 minutes just so I had enough time to gather a couple of things and my jacket. The name Tony Godfree running through my brain as I stumbled to remember who he was.

I shrugged it off before slinging on my shoes and heading out of the flat locking the doors behind me and going round the corner to the car park where Donald was infact sitting in a silver Toyota with the guy assumed was Tony, fiddling with the radio.

I went round to the other side of the car and got in the left back passenger side and said my hello's to Donald.

"You're Alex's sister Holly aren't you?" The Tony guy turned to me and said. Wait a minute... I know exactly who he is! He's the lad my brother grew up with back where I used to live (he's 22 years old), a few doors down from his nan is where my nan lives.... That's where it all started...

From that day a relationship started to bloom, until we were boyfriend and girlfriend.

He was the nicest guy I had ever been with and trusted him completely. I gave him my heart and started staying at his house for a number or weeks. I spent half of Christmas with him which is big for me, as I've never been with a guy for Christmas before. He had his little boy who wasn't even a year old as well, so we had a fun Christmas helping Cody play with his toys. I was in-love.

New Years came around and we went to my sisters for a house party. Tony didn't have anything to drink as he's probably the biggest lightweight I'd ever met. He can get drunk off of a pint of beer. I had a couple to drink myself, and my brother came over to us and I whispered to him all giddy and happy saying, "There's a chance I'm pregnant Martin, we've been having regular unprotected sex." Weird thing to say to your brother, but he took the 'Alcopop' off of me and said you can't drink any of that even if it is weak, as it can harm your baby if you are preggers. I'm happy for you Holly, you found a great guy!" He said happily clapping Tony on the shoulder and walking away. I've never had him say something as nice as that to me in a long time. He was always the type of brother to take the mick out of me and my sister, but I  guess that's just what brothers do I guess.

Tony had sworn to me that night, that if I was pregnant, he'd stand by me and support me all the way. He said he loved me, that he cared for me and wanted to be with me for as long as we possibly could. 

January 4th came around and I had to leave the bliss of staying round Tony's and go home as I had to start college the following day. He seemed a bit off, and could barely catch my eye.

When he dropped me home, I gave him a kiss and asked him to text me when he got home and that I loved him... He said he would, before leaving. I didn't get an "i love you" back but I just thought he was tired after the festive spirits of the night before when we went out with our friends till about 2am.

I got in my room and settled down, unpacking my bags. before checking my phone. A thought ran through my head wondering "why hasn't he texted me back yet, he would have been home atleast 10 minutes ago." I left him a text saying "hope you're ok baby I love you."

An hour later I got a reply back saying. "I'm fine." Anxiety rose through me like a fish through water.

"Whats going on? you didnt say you loved me" I sent back nervously, pacing my room.

Ten minutes later I got a text back which broke my heart into a million pieces... I screamed. I cried. Nothing could make this better...

"I've been seeing Catherine since the 1st of January...when me and Arthur went to try and get "rizzlas" in the city... I went and slept with Catherine on the beach."

The thing that hurt me the most was the betrayal. I gave that boy everything I had.

All the money I had I spent on food, new bed sheets, petrol to go pick his son up, food for his son, new toys and a tommee tippee care set...

I cried and cried and had to take a week off college because I couldn't pull myself out of bed. I wouldn't eat.

Catherine moved back in with him but I still couldn't go there and get the last of my clothes and everything I bought for half a week. Until I demanded Arthur to tell him I was coming over on the 8th January to collect my stuff.

I turned up with my mum, with newly bleached hair as I wanted a change from the old colour. I marched in that house and grabbed the bag of my stuff. I noticed he didn't even bother to wash the bed sheets I bought and I was told they had sex in. I searched everywhere round the house and got the last of my things, before his Nan came in and saw me crying hysterically throwing one of my T-shirts in the bag... He wasn't there. Only Arthur and my other friend Steven. She came over to me pulling me into a huge hug saying that he wasn't worth it. She hated that girl with a passion, and she was definitely not happy with what he did to me. She refused to see him, for weeks after I came to get my stuff. I gave the set of keys over that I had to his Nan, and left.

I stayed over my sisters that night an ever growing fear growing in my stomach. Flashbacks of new years eve going through my mind. What if I was...

My sister had gone to work that day and took her daughter with her as she was only doing a half day, and the girls at her work loved her daughter. I ran down to the corner shop and grabbed what I needed before running back to Gemma's flat... Positive.

I was pregnant. I couldn't tell anyone as I didn't want their pity. I didn't want my mum to disown me... I couldn't lose my family... I took the positive stick down to the bins round the back of her flat and hid it under a bin bag.

I tried to call Tony... Voicemail. I tried again and again and again... Voicemail. Voicemail. Voicemail.

I decided to call Steven, both mine and his friend who I knew slept there most nights.

"Steven, are you at Tony's?" I cried.

"Holly, he wont talk to you I'm sorry. You know he won't." He sighed, clearly irritated by my subject of call.

"I know that, but can you please pass on two words from me? Please?" I begged him, impatiently waiting for an answer.

"I'll try, but I can't promise anything." He sighed. I paused breathing in a long shaky breath.

"Steven I'm pregnant... And it's Tony's..." I waited a second before hanging up. Not wanting an answer, as I didn't know if I'd get the answer I wanted. That evening I went home to try and forget about what I found out. 

I waited a week to hear from Tony or Steven about the baby that was growing in my stomach. I heard nothing.

So that evening I booked an appointment at the doctors to get an abortion. Something I was so strongly against, but I knew I couldn't provide for this baby. I didn't want it to grow up knowing it's father didn't care. The day I got for the abortion was the 18th January... The day before my birthday.

*A couple of Months Later*

Me and Tony had met up in early February and had been dating again on and off since then. I don't really know what happened, all I know was that he wasn't the same as when he was in December. He didn't care about my feelings after march hit. I ended up moving in with him again, much to my mothers hatred. When May came around I started staying between his and my sisters partners house that she moved into...

 Two nights after being at my sisters, Tony sexually assaulted a 14 year old in his home, in the bed we sleep in.

He was sent to the police station over night for questioning, and I still went back to him. He was sorry, said he doesn't want to mess up again and that he realised I was "the one". The evening he got out, we travelled to Ipswich to see his aunt who bought us dinner and we sat chatting for ours, bad memories were brought up in which resulted to Tony getting several smacks from his aunt, who also hated Catherine. He was even more sorry for what he did...

Another month passed and I went to stay at my sisters again...

The night I left, he had a girl his age in his house, who had a boyfriend...

He raped her.

He got sent to the police station again a week later, I had to watch him get taken away for a second time. I walked away and wasn't there the second time he got let out...

It also turns out he slept with an old friend of mine who wasn't even 16 yet...

I was done for good this time.

It's now Thursday 1st September.

Tony Godfree is currently in remand in Norwich Prison.

  • He got Catherine pregnant at 15 just before her 16th birthday, and is being charged with this indefinitely as his son Cody is evidence of this. 
  • He sexually assaulted a 14 year old girl, and there have been 2 other accusations of sexual assault to 2 other girls.
  • He raped the girl his age.
  • He had sex with a 15 year old. (Due to being underage she cannot lawfully consent, so she too has been classed as raped.)
  • He engaged in sexual activity in the presence of a child. (In front of Cody).
  • Assault by penetration.
  • And attempt to rape.

He has been in remand for 2 and a half months, I'm in a new relationship myself, and have been for nearly 3 months. But because of everything I've been through, I couldn't trust a man again. I feel disgusted that I had been with a man that did all those horrible things to woman.

I stayed by that man, when neither of us had money, and no food, we were lucky if we got a meal a day. I got mentally ill, and lost 2 stone in weight, and my stomach had shrunk, so when I went home, I still couldn't eat proper sized meals.

I put my body through such mental and physical abuse, all because of "love" I didn't realise he was the poison apple. To me he looks so sweet, nothing was wrong, and nothing was tainted.

Since then I can't allow myself to feel physical love. The idea repulses me...

I'm scared to see him when he gets released... But do you know why?... Not because of what he did, but because I'm afraid I'll still love him.

But I'm better than that. I'm getting over that. I gained a stone back so I'm now a health 8 and a half stone. I can eat normal sized meals now. I no longer get abuse off of Catherine who is "still in-love with him" while she's still sleeping with other guys, something she did while she was with Tony.

What I'm trying to say, is that past the bad stuff, good stuff can happen. I dropped my college course so I could be with him and make sure he was ok, and help him look after Cody.

But since then I'm going back to college next week, I'm giving myself a future I would never have been able to have if I was still with him. I built a relationship back up with my mum, that I had completely lost while being with him.

Don't be like me and keep throwing your heart to someone who just abuses it, who plays with it, and constantly beats it up and tosses it around.

Don't settle for a stone and be afraid that if you don't you'll be single forever and that no one will love you. Because you CAN find someone who loves you, who will take care of you, who would NEVER EVER do anything like this...

Published by Holly Siggins