Personal crises are some of the worst moments anyone can have in his/her life. We ask questions about our raison d'être. We doubt things we cannot fathom. We struggle to know how to stay sane in a world full of suffering and misery. We yearn for peace.

And, truth be told, personal crises are difficult to overcome. We get lost in the process. We end up doubting ourselves. We break down. We fail. We surrender. Without knowing the answers to our existential questions or even a glimpse of them. 

Because, of course, we will never really know the answers. The causalities. The correlations. The intricacies of life. And, I think, it's better if it stays that way. These uncertainties are what make our lives exciting, exhilarating, frustrating, yet fun. Getting lost at three in the morning keeps you awake. Doubting yourself elicits you to further believe in yourself. Breaking down inside your room is catharsis. Failing helps you learn lessons. Surrendering sometimes is a sign that you know how to wisely choose your battles.

People should just cling to the belief that, someday, everything will be fine. We can only hope for the best. At the end of the day, sticks and stones might break your bones, but your spirit is AND WILL ALWAYS be stronger.



what  happens to my soul the moment I close my eyes

what happens to me if I die

what happens if sorrow consumes my being

and I am left with nothing but sighs


what happens if fear creeps in and creeps me out

like a bogeyman on a Friday night

what happens if I lose my spirit

to rest with my body, and my body alone


what happens if the sky turns pitch black

and I am alone

what happens to me if I don't believe in an omnipotent

will they burn me at the stake


what happens if I leave everyone

will they cry for me on my grave

what happens tomorrow

or next day or next week or next year


what happens to me if I die right now

this very moment

this very second

this breath, my last


I fear the unknown

I fear the things I know and the things I care about

I fear life just like I fear death

I fear loneliness


I fear fear itself

I fear myself right now

this very moment

this breath, might be my last


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Published by Allen Fernando