Things That Seem Like the Worst Thing Ever When You’ve Had a Bad Day

 

Not been a good day. Not been a good day at all. And when it’s not been a good day, it seems that everything in your day is conspiring against you, doing their best to make your day worse.

And here is the list of things that get worse and worse and worse…

 

 

Self-service machines that don’t keep up with your angry speed.

No, I won’t forget to swipe my clubcard. But by that point, I imagine the human race would have died out and self-service machines would have taken over the known world.

 

People who try to get you to explain stuff. I don’t want to have to go through every reason why I’ve had a bad day. I don’t want to have to describe my thought process as to why I chose to buy that beer instead of the other one. I just want to drink it. Leave me alone.

 

When the television remote doesn’t respond, so you have to keep bashing the keys, as if the keys represent your dreams and you are bashing every one of them into oblivion.

Then it responds and the tv comes on.

But it’s on Antiques Roadshow. And the remote won’t work again.

 

 

People who ID me for beer. I need beer. I’ve had a bad day and I am alcohol dependent. What’s more, I’m nearly thirty. I’m too old for you to keep frickin’ IDing me. Just give me my booze so I can go out and complain to my girlfriend waiting in the car that I’ve been IDed again.

 

News reporters who try to have a joke with each other, but it’s the kind of joke that someone would say when you’re stuck in a lift with them, and even then you wouldn’t laugh however awkward that would make the situation.

Guys, you’re not comedians, just read the bloody news.

 

That arsehole in front of me who took an extra second to go at the red light. I’m sure she was finishing her lovely conversation with her daughter and taking a second to smile at the wonderful weather as she shifted into gear… But I want her to burn in hell

 

When you can’t poo. You need to go but it won’t come out. It’s like the Universe hates you.

Then you leave the toilet and you still need to go, and you’re like, “well, this is going to be my evening now.”

 

When the mug you want to use is underneath all of the stacked up washing up, so you try to remove it from the pieces precariously stacked like a game of jenga, then they all fall down and the newly cleaned wok falls on the floor and you know you’re going to have to clean the damn thing again.

 

 

When someone criticises you. I don’t care if I’m wrong. Do I look like I want to be wrong right now? Does it look like the right time to correct me? Sure, it was Phillip Seymour Hoffman, not Phillip Seymus Hoffman, but so what? Just let me have that one thing. Just let me have it, it is all I have, please, please, just let me have it.

Out of all the things going wrong in my life, please just let me have it.

 

Sponsor a kid advert on television. Trying to make me feel guilty for feeling bad when people have it a lot worse. Screw you commercial break, screw you.

 

And finally, when I am forced to read someone’s soppy status on facebook.

Jill: Sad, sad day. I guess I’m just not the kind of girl men fall in love with.

Oh shut the hell up Jill, no one likes you.

Published by Rick Wood