Hey hey everyone!! Happy Thursdayyyy!

*UPDATE: I’ve FINALLY updated my About Marina page, so check it out if you’ve never seen it before!*

Another busy day of work and then class, but I wanted to catch up quickly to talk about something that’s been on my mind lately.

That’s because Thursdays are for…

Thinking Out Loud 2

Thank you to Amanda from Running with Spoons for allowing me to share my random thoughts of the week. 

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed medical professional. The views and opinions regarding this subject are purely my own.

Let me be the first to say that I do not regret any decisions made regarding my living situation. (Don’t worry Mom and Dad, I’m not going anywhere!)

That being said, when I’m not in class during the day, I come home at night to my little studio apartment off-campus. That’s right. Just me, myself, and I! And my teddy bear, if that counts.😉

A typical school day means getting up early. First, workout, then food, classes, more food, rehearsal, even more food, repeat. By the time I get home every night, I am SO grateful to have my OWN space with no distractions, roommates, (no offense to my roomies last year, I love ya) or messiness. My stuff is exactly where it is when I left that morning and I don’t have to worry about my food being eaten or the kitchen being a mess.

I can bake whenever I please and nobody judges me, I can exercise or practice yoga without taking up everyone else’s space in the living room, I have my OWN bathroom that I know is clean because I’m the one who cleans it!

AK Brownies

Fudgy Avocado Black Bean Brownies by Ambitious Kitchen!

It’s calm, quiet, and relaxing…
…during the school year….

But if you fast forward to now during the summer, it’s actually pretty lonely around here.

The concept of being lonely is a hit or miss thing with me.

Like I said, when I’m busy during the semester I cannot WAIT to come home to a quiet apartment to decompress. Honestly, last month was pretty difficult though. My class hadn’t quite started yet and I wasn’t working as much. Almost ALL of my friends, and I mean almost all, are either studying abroad this summer or are home already. The few that are here either have full-time jobs or our schedules never link up to hangout. Everyone peaced out after the semester ended, and I totally get that. I would have too if I didn’t have this on-campus class. But man, it’s been way too quiet for my liking. It also doesn’t help when there’s no events on campus or things are closed.

Fortunately, I’ve been able to visit my boyfriend more on weekends and he’s been able to visit me, but sometimes I’ve felt like I was merely “getting through” a week just to be able to  make them go by faster because I knew I was going home and wouldn’t be by myself. I know that’s no way to live. I can’t traveltoo much either because it gets expensive and I’m only working a few days a week.

Coffee 2

Don’t get me wrong, I knew what I was getting myself into with being here for part of the summer, but there’s only so much Netflix I can watch and other work I can do before I start to get stir crazy and homesick. Yeah I call my parents more often because I have time now, but I still miss them a lot when I hang up.I like living by myself a lot but it’s easier to have a “social life” when you have roommates, especially during the summer. More things to do and more free time right?

I think my problem is free time in general…I’m so used to being go-go-go all the time, and then when I actually have a break I don’t know what to do with myself. Anyone else deal with this? During the semester I know that when I get home it’s homework time, but during the summer I don’t really havethat much to do. I feel like I still have to “structure” my days in order to keep my sanity, which I know is still fine, but man I’ve just been lonely since classes ended. Too bad I’m not allowed to have pets!

I’ve been trying to journal every night this week, especially when it’s after dinner or before bed…probably the loneliest time of day for me. I’m trying to recognize what triggers my loneliness and what I can do to combat it, so some of these are journaling, meditating, or going for a walk. This past weekend I’ve discovered how much I love coloring mandala designs so I’ll definitely have to buy some of those coloring books for the year!

Sorry if this post isn’t the usual peppiness you’re used to, but that’s what Thursdays are for! Thankfully I have family or friends that I can talk to whenever I want, but it’s better when they’re here in person you know? Also, my class ends next Thursday and then I’ll be home again for about 6 weeks which is much needed.:) Then I go to my dance intensive and get to make new friends, yay! And meet Georgie andLyss hopefully…<3

Honestly, I should’ve written this post last month when I was feeling lonely, moody, and super hormonal all the time because of regaining my period and birth control, but the worst of it has passed now. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

And I know I’m never truly alone.:)

Marina dance 32

Photo by Gabe Foo

Don’t worry, I wasn’t depressed either. There’s an obvious difference between true depression and just being lonely. Depression can last for days, weeks, even years. Loneliness pretty much just comes and goes.

*If you or someone you know is experiencing the true signs of depression, I urge you to seek professional help immediately.* 

If you made it this far, bless you! Thank you for listening to my thoughts today.:)

BE WELL everyone!❤

Published by Marina D