I’ve been in college for about 3 years already. How time flies!  And in a span of a year, there are a lot of things that I have learned and figured out. After all the things that I have done and been into, I have come into the point wherein I realize a lot of things.. 

Recently I have been wondering about the current happenings around school and my personal life. This passed few years, I was Quite and Inactive in terms of academics. (I have my own personal issues with myself.) There was this possibility that I may "not" graduate on time, because I failed "some" subjects due to some personal issues with people. I had a hard time dealing with some people that it actually led me to the point of failing myself and my parents. 

Summer was actually the hard time for me. Since there was a lot of sleepless nights, the battle with myself continue for some quite now.  There are a lot of questions and what ifs that’s popping inside my brain that I couldn’t answer. My thoughts were filled of sadness, doubts, fear and even death. I'm a professional when it comes to faking everything. I remembered listening to My Chemical Romance "Disenchanted" song and it was my theme song for years.

"Because you never learn a goddamned thing." It was there, This phrase was in their song. Damn, I swear to God it made me tear up hearing that line. When I deal with people, they always, ALWAYS tell me that I never learn. They would always tell me "Stop faking your depression" which actually made me lost interest in the society. Back then, I realized how pointless it is to make friends because they'll just end up judging you without even knowing the back story. Back then, everything was so blurry and dark. to the point I almost killed myself for losing interest in everything. But that was before.

As time flies, I grow and discover the answers to my midnight questions. Every now and then, I usually get into trouble with people. I don’t communicate yet I’m a communication student. How Ironic. My past was hunting me for exactly 13 years. But this year was kinda different, I discover some part of myself that I haven’t know for the past years of my life. 

I discovered that I actually have so many things to be proud of. It just took me years to finally unleash the beast inside of me. I wasn't existing for this past years but I came back from the start to fix everything. With the thought of not having anything to be proud of myself, I realized that not everyone has the capability to write and the capability to stay when you're already in the point of ending yourself. There were so much of me that was hidden by my demons. 

We are in a world that's full of pretentious beings. People have already mastered the art of pretension and it's up to us to determine what's real and what's not. A lot of people tells me that I should change myself for the society to accept  me, But why would I even try to be someone that I am not when I can just be myself? Why let other people's opinion define you? If there is one thing that I learned in life, that would be Not giving a single shit to those people who wants you to change. This is our life, This is my life. And no one, not even you, can change me. 

The photo I used was not mine. All credit goes to the owner. 

Published by Lindsáey Erianne