It has fascinated me how destiny have written our story.  Things have turned to make us meet and, as if our hearts knew it before we even did, the moment we spoke to each other, we just connected.  A growing friendship, budding love, a great start of forever.

Our story started at the age of 10- good friends, at the age of 15- hearts beat fast, at the age of 20- I’m quite sure this is it. A month before my 18th birthday, we officially became a couple. I was happy whenever I was with him, we would hang out, laugh, play, we were best friends. :)  I love him so.  I want to spend the rest of my life with him. And he wants it too.  We look forward to that day. 2011 he even said.  My life felt complete, I have everything I dreamed of. Everything as I dreamed it would be.  Married and happy at 25.

Then came the 3rd party that will "destroy" forever.  I met the 3rd party years before, we got to know each other, grew in our relationship but somehow laid-low for a year until we bumped into each other again through my best friend in college.  Then sparks began to fly again.  I was so full of joy whenever I’m with the 3rd party, everything was full of meaning, I was in awe of him, we would sing our hearts out, he knew me well, he understands me and he was always there for me. :) It was not long that I decided to take the plunge and say I do, which is one month before me and first love’s 1st anniversary.  I had to come clean, so I talked to him before i even took the plunge.  It wasn’t such a sweet treat talking to him about the 3rd party, of course right?  But after much tears and pleading, he finally agreed to me going with my decision, and so I did.

No we didn’t breakup.  I was hoping we could all work things out.

So I spent years sailing on 2 rivers.  I tried to get all the 3 of us together, to get to know each other, with hopes that maybe I don’t have to choose between the 2, and maybe we could be in this together.  But the 2 didn’t really click.  So I continued sailing on separate boats.

But then, this is not our story, after all.

3rd party reminded me, “You said yes to me years back right?  I don’t like you to be sailing 2 boats when you were made to sail only 1. I have better plans for you, yet staying with him, sailing 2 boats, consumes your time, your attention and it limits you.  Since he doesn’t want to be in this boat, then I guess you have to choose between us.”

Finally, the question I dreaded for years came.  I have been avoiding it.  I chose to believe that someday we will be on the same boat.  But unfortunately, it was not meant to come.  I had to choose.  It was a tough decision, probably the hardest I had to make in this lifetime, but I knew in my heart what is right.

I sailed to shore and put the anchors down.  I alight and took the hand of 3rd party. He told me, “You may not understand why these things are happening now, but My thoughts are not your thoughts, and neither are your ways My ways.  Don't worry, I have plans for you, I will not harm you and I will give you a future.” But I didn’t understand these, I couldn't see or even imagine what future He is talking about, if there is even such a thing.  I kept looking back though my hands held His.

He was understanding as I went through this season of my life.  Sometimes I would just burst out into tears, and He would just be there listening, looking, and comforting.  At one point I wanted to go back to the other boat, but no opportunity came.  I think He made sure I don’t find that boat again.

I couldn’t understand then, why destiny had to make us meet if it were not meant to last.  I even said, I don’t think I could love a person the same way again.  How do you start over, when the one thing that your world revolved around from childhood 'til you entered the professional world suddenly disappears?  It felt like I'm in a second life.  I had to dream new dreams, plan new plans. The world looks dark, it’s like a new broad horizon opened before me, I didn’t even know where to start.

My heart was very vulnerable, it yearns not only to be loved, but most of all, it yearns to love.  I think like most people, the first thing on our mind is, who's next.  For every person you’re with, you have this thought on the back of your mind, “is he/she the one?”  The world has put up this standard that happiness could be found in these kind of relationships.  It has been made a necessity to live life, remember, “how do I live without you”?.  The moment it’s gone you are like fish out of water, struggling, jumping from one place to another, one activity to another, one person to another. Love is a game they say. You try all sorts of strategies, try all sorts of places where chances are high, you gear up, you train then you go out into the field and show ‘em what you got. It is a vicious cycle. How many “lives” do we have, how many times do we get out of water and dive into a new horizon again?

You might wonder if I regretted having met the 3rd party, was He even any good at all?  Was he worth losing everything I had then?  The answer is no, yes, yes.  I’m not sure if by now you realize that my 3rd party is Jesus.  He is not a killjoy who destroys relationships, He is the wake up call when you’re living dreams that are not meant for you, but for others. I was so short-sighted then, I only saw things within first love's horizon, even my capabilities are within that horizon.  I didn’t know that He could use me for greater things for people out there, in other horizons.

Looking back now, I’ve seen how having “no plan” was the best plan I had.  I simply obeyed God, and just continued on growing my relationship with Him.  The directions I took, the way I was going, wasn’t even like a planned route laid down before me by God.  It just came and I went, came then I went, I didn’t care where it would lead me to, I just know He is beside me.  Through this journey, I get to know myself more, the way God sees me.

Worth, self-worth. 

This is one of the most important things I’ve learned.  We all want to be accepted, we want to be appreciated, to be needed.   And most of the time, this is why we are in relationships.  We feel valuable when people value us.  We feel appreciated if a guy gives us flowers.  We feel important if the other person couldn’t get things done without our help. So the moment you don’t feel appreciated, you feel worthless, you get jealous, you fight, then you breakup.  Repeat step 1 again.  Yet if we all realize that we are valuable, so precious that Christ even laid His life down for us, despite of our flaws and weaknesses, there is no need be insecure, to compromise things just so that the other person will like you better.  No need to exert much effort just to make him/her notice you, to make him/her feel how “lucky” he/she is to have you.  We are valuable not because of what we do, but because of who we are, we are His children.

"You complete me."

My heart would also melt if i heard this, but I realized this is not the sweetest thing a person could say to you.  It is in fact a warning.   As it is said, 2 imperfect persons combined doesn’t make it perfect.  1 miserable person + 1 miserable person doesn’t equal to a happy couple, it is equal to 2 miserable persons.  If we are vital to someone’s “completeness”, then the moment we fail, we all breakdown.  This is why it is important for both parties to be secure in Christ, that both are individually, independently complete in Him.   So even when the other fails, you are not losing out. And since you are still complete, you can offer support and help to the other person.  I can picture the safety guidelines on the plane that the flight attendants demonstrate: put on your own mask first before helping others. :)

From the inside out.

We cannot give what we don’t have.  “We love because He first loved us.” Who’s the better source for love than love Himself, God!  God is love. It is not an emotion.  It was not created, it is who He is.

I browsed through Cosmopolitan’s list of top 10 reasons why couples breakup and this is what they have in top 5:

  1. Fell out of love.
  2. Cheated
  3. Lied
  4. Always fighting
  5. Stopped doing sweet things

I’ll leave "Falling out of love" out as it is subjective and broad in scope.  But top 2-5, all boils down to character and where you find completeness. Character is not hereditary, you might be born with a personality, but not character. Character is built and influenced over the years. Our true characters comes out when we are faced with tight situations, challenges.  The nice show ends when problem kicks in, the best foot is now backwards.

Temptations, tight situations, unfavorable matters will always come up, nobody is immune to it. Promises to be faithful, to be understanding are all empty, it is made to be broken.  The greatest security we can have is if Christ is in his/her heart.  We are secure that someone will get a good spanking if he/she doesn't behave well. ;)

Allowing Him to mold us, to build our character to be in His likeness is not being religious and making sure we always read the bible and go to church.  It's not about doing good all the time and trying to be perfect by our own efforts.  It is allowing Him to transform us from the inside out.  What is on the inside (character) is what you will get on the outside (attitude).

Mr. Perfect

I've also realized that while I was so busy looking out for the perfect guy, I forgot to look at myself,  "Can I consider myself someone's perfect girl?"  Mold! Mold! Mold! God is preparing you to be someone's "perfect match"!

Not our story continues...

A few months back, I found out that he got on the “3rd party boat” through his perfect girl.  Some people’s reaction was, "if you were getting on the 3rd party's boat anyways, why didn’t you get on it before?" Well it also crossed my mind, though I didn’t really wish that he did.  As I reflected, I remembered the story of Pharaoh in the bible.  How God hardened his heart, Moses asks him to free the Israelite slaves, but he wouldn’t listen to Moses, so the plagues came.  But all for one reason: to let His will be done.  I was really comforted, to know that it was His plan all along to bring him to the boat, it was just not His plan for him to end up on my boat.  God didn’t come to “destroy” my relationships, but He came to work all things for my good.

            “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, whohave been called according to his purpose. ~Romans 8:28”

Sometimes you cannot really tell if you are really ok until you finally see it with your own eyes.  And recently I just did, and I’m just so thankful, that I really am ok.  There is not even flick of pain, of anger or regret.  I was truly happy for myself and for them.  :)  And this I couldn’t have done alone if I have not stayed on the 3rd party’s boat. :)

This is not our story, this is God’s story for us. I shall sail on until that “perfect” person sails with us on the 3rd party boat.