These are the words that keep playing in my head.
Thy will be done.

I’ve come a long way. Ok, maybe a short way. Almost 5 months down the line.
Battling depression, unbelief and a total difficulty in accepting my predicament.
Now I realise my whole life has to change because there’s always this one thing to consider.

My life has been somewhat turbulent, especially over the past 2 or 3 years. So many happenings that have changed my perspective in life, that have cost me many a friend, and that threaten to shape my life forever.

At least one thing I’m sure of: Long life is never guaranteed.

There’s the pressure to fall in line, to make things as normal as possible, to go where
everyone has gone before.

I’m tempted to defy the odds. Sometimes, I think about doing the things that make me happy. The things I know I will enjoy doing. But can I just throw it all away and be happy?

Why not? The struggle to please.

I wish I could start life all over again. Things would be so different, I can’t even begin to imagine. And there’s still the regrets. The what ifs and the hows.

I’m killing myself now, for a future unknown. Maybe one day, I get to do those things that make me happy. Maybe one day, I’ll travel the world and never return. Maybe one day, I’ll find inner peace.

But for now:

May Thy will be done.

Selah.

Published by Afro Poz