So now begins the open days, trying to figure out where the hell in the world I'd like to go for university. My exam results should be pretty darn good, I often say they won't so in case they do blow up I won't get totally roasted. 

I was at Durham yesterday and I dunno just throughout the day I got this general feeling that I didn't really want to go there for 3 years, everyone else seemed either too dumb or too smart but wildly on that spectrum (on which I probably belong aswell). And in terms of learning there's so much stuff we have to learn I don't think I really care about, frankly I don't really know what I enjoy. I know I enjoy carphone, perhaps I just enjoy learning but more overall I just like winning, not really winning over other people but just killing it everyday. 

I think if I do end up going to University Cambridge natural sciences is the goal, but there's just a feeling that spending 3 years learning things I could learn from books in my spare time seems pointless, I don't see me going into research, the results are too few and far between. A gap year placement and being able to decide my own fate just seems so much better, mother and father say they would let me if I got into a good one but to be honest I don't think they even see it as lying when they renege on these statements because I dunno they just don't feel like they should be accountable for that stuff, so yeah kinda balancing all the options right now, figuring out what I want to do.

Until then gonna just chill, bang out a few personal statements, eat food and chill.