Ever since getting into a relationship with a non-believer, questions that I've never asked before started to hit me like a 1720 feet tsunami. I thought I had it all, and that these questions can be easily answered, but to my dismay, i was wrong.


"If God is God,  why can't he just save everybody? Why allow us to create Sin? He's God. If he loves his children, he shouldn't let us go astray."

"If he is God, why can't he just show himself so we will believe?" 

"Christianity is just another religion created to put order to this world. All the other religion serves the same purpose. How can you prove other religion is false? They have miracles too."


  To be honest, it has been an extremely difficult first 2 years being together with someone who only believes in hard facts and somehow always manages to find another reason to counterattack all of my points. It is good to have questions because it shows that he is trying to understand. However, there are reasons that make sense to me but doesn't make sense to my non-believer boyfriend.

That's no problem because he said if I were able to laid out all the facts to him on the table, he would believe. So I bought a book.

But even the book, that  studies the evidences of Christianity and discusses on the frequent arguments of the new age, doesn't help. He gave a new explanation and said that evidences cannot be fully trusted too for who knows.   What else was I to say other than the fact that he was so obviously afraid of the idea on Christianity. 

It was so bad to the point where I knew that nothing that comes out of me would ever waver his wall of defence, and that hurts. I felt like it was my duty to save him, to save us.


Hence, I was left with only two options: leave him, or leave Christ.


It is not an option to be decided on so simply. A relationship with someone is a special bond nobody should ever take lightly at all. The days passed by like sitting on the world's craziest roller coaster. I weighed everything and even questioned myself for a certain period of time.   Despite it all, almost everything is pointing towards the obvious choice.

My past 2 years of relationship hasn't been entirely fulfilling,  my future seemed worrying due to a difference in lifestyle and beliefs, and there are countless other guys out there that shares the same faith. I almost gave in.  


It's not until one year later, that I finally understood the reason behind all these hardships.  


My gap year wasn't just merely a break from studies. It was a journey of amazing self-discovery. I have never been happier after realising what this experience represents.  

My work in Poppy requires me to train several individuals from all walks of life. Coincidentally enough, all of them were Christians. My years of prayers have been answered through my journey with these different ladies. Despite everything that has been said about a christian dating a non christian, these ladies have supported me and gave me their honest opinions on why they would or wouldn't date a non-believer. Their thoughts and intentions were genuine and I would never have pulled through the year without their sharing.  

As my gap year was coming to an end, there were several things that I have learnt that allowed me to truly understand that God has not forsaken me and neither will I.

Some might say that we believers have a blind faith, but that isn't the case because we know whom we believe in. I don't read the bible much but I found this saying very true and it speaks exactly as how I feel, "you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free."

Secondly, we are unable to, and we do not carry the responsibility to, answer all the question that people have of Christianity. Even topics like Biology and Chemistry are created from the questions that we humans have. Without these intelligent questions, the field dies. Besides, if we are able to answer all the questions, we'd be God.

Don't put it all on your shoulders. There may be a thousand other questions you have on your mind but remember that God is out of our realm and there are certain things are beyond our understanding.

There is also a difference between 'Believe to See', and 'See the Believe'. Here's what I believe: we are in a fallen world due to a separation between us called Sin. God is pure, we are not. Hence, if God were to directly come in contact with us, we would perish under his presence. It has been said that in the past, pastors will come into contact with God for a brief moment of time and they would be easily struck by lightning because of sin. We are in fallen world and we can't reach out to each other just like that. 

Religion may be all about values. Some might even be followers of a certain faith just for a better afterlife. Christianity involves more than just that. It's the only faith where you can just talk to God whenever and whatever is on your mind; just like how you would to your best friend. You don't have to repay him for the blessings he gives you. There is no need for a sacrifice for his gifts, simply because God loves us. That is why they say Christianity is not a religion, it's a relationship.  


The gap year journey has made me truly understand what Faith represents. It means to wholly trust or place my confidence in him. Hence, that is what I would do. After coming to terms with myself on this, I have decided to leave it all up to him above, and to love my boyfriend with all my heart because I have nothing to lose, but instead many things to share.


As quoted by SmarterEveryDay:

"Knowledge ≠ Understanding.

and Truth is truth, no matter what you think about it."

Published by Cassandra Chong