I have decided to do my life on the farm in Sesame Street style, and give credit where credit is due. It has come from yesterday where I spent the better part of my day making phone calls, taking phone calls, feeding baby Jack (Black the Angus bull), helping to move Angus cattle, freezing (as we had no fire wood) and sitting in my car on the road watching our lovely boys ‘steers’ with a ring in sheep who thinks he’s a steer walk up the road with no stress and little noise. It was I may say warmer in my car than in my house, opening and closing the gates, opening and closing the car door, opening and closing the house doors I have decided I need to laugh at some of the things I do and participate in and observe everyday in the country so today is brought to you by the letter A.

This is a country lettering system so there are LOTS and LOTS of expletives, and I mean lots and lots, it seems in talking with my country girlfriends it is standard to hear language that would make my father and mothers ears curl. me I now find it all boring and have asked him to stop swearing at inanimate objects, but I will preface each letter blog with a warning.

“warning this blog contains words that may offend and make your ears bleed (if you could hear it) and make you laugh out loud. that can’t be helped as it would mean you would have worked out the word and the code associated with it or can envisage the action”

Today is brought to you by the letter A

You can imagine how many A**holes there on the farm, they come in all shapes and sizes, we have over 2000 Animals and apparently people whom we have never met can be one of them. I find some off putting, especially when tagging cattle there seems to be at the end of the day much pooh on my face from their asses as they shake to get away from you and there are lots of holes one can fall  into (like the one that ruptured my Achilles) but one I find slightly off putting is the Auger. It is an essential tool in transferring grain from one implement to another. It can be a really dangerous tool of trade and farmers have been known to lose limbs, hair etc from lack of safety shields that do not even exist with this necessary tool.

The “grain auger” is used to move grain from trucks and grain carts into grain storage bins or for putting seed into the air-seeder to sew the seed into the ground. A grain auger may be powered by an electric motor, a tractor, through a power take off, or sometimes and internal combustion engine mounted on the auger. In less modern augers by rope pull diesel driven engines (they are at our place). One end has a hole that things come out of the other has a rotating helical ‘screw’ that turns and moves the grain up into the shaft and out of the hole, where there is no cover and can run until the engine is stopped rather than with an obstruction.

So you can see here the letter A is apt to this farmers tool, I have heard of men being lifted or pulled into the auger when clothing has caught – I can imagine something as tame as A**hole will no longer apply it would be far more serious. I am lucky we do not use this A**hole on a daily basis only at seeding, to inoculate the vetch and sewing so it is a 3 to 6 monthly tool. It then lives in ones eye shot near the machinery shed waiting till the next time the rip cord is pulled and everything goes awry.

But I know those of you who are in the business would say you have forgotten the obvious use of the letter A in Agriculture, Animals, Agri-food, Agri-business etc  and I could list many more things but the next one near and dear to the farmer and his wife is the Antacid.  Antacid doesn’t stop the swearing but it does reduce the reflux and bile rising from the anger of the auger or being sworn at whilst you help with the transfer of grain and allows one to drink more wine. Then I will give it to the farmer at meal times so he can sleep without sitting bolt upright in the middle of the night with reflux from stress

I would love to read about your day in the life of a letter A. Send me your stories

Published by Robyn verrall