With every defining experience in our lives there are certain aspects that we become accustomed, even comfortable with. We become so used to these experiences that not only do they leave a mark imprinted into our lives, but they become second nature. A part of my younger life consisted of surgeries, but I'm not going to go through the numbness they held. I am however going to share the comforting experience that I went through with every faded slumber induced from the anesthesia.

As the voices of the surgeons began to slur I  would begin my journey through a white tunnel. All of my senses were fully charged, I actually felt as though I was spiraling through that bright white tunnel. My body feeling weightless and my mind at complete ease. All of the nervousness and empty hurl motions vanished. Shoulders became light as a feather as the weight of my world disappeared.

As I spun at a slow motion speed, the white scene would shift into drive-in movie screens that played different memories from my young life. One screen was featuring the time I was fishing with my Dad and replaying the moment I caught my first fish. Another was showing my Ma' and I baking Christmas cookies, decorating the house and dancing to Christmas carols. 8 years old and I felt like this was the end with every black out before the white tunnel appeared. With every surgery came a nauseated and nerve wracked silence, but with every tunnel traveled came a sense of peace, the only time I ever felt peace while under the O.R. lights or in a death lined room hooked to I.V.s .

I always wondered if my tunnel experiences were similar if not perhaps exact to what we will feel and go through as we breathe our last breath before kissing this earthly life goodbye. Maybe this is why I don't fear death and hadn't in my almost 32 years. See, when you're born differently into this world, death is a thought ever present in the front of your mind, it's just a part of this type of life. Hence why they say that this life ain't for the faint at heart. It truly does take a certain character to play this role. This is also why I find the underlying humor in death, one must so that it doesn't become so damn depressing. None of us make it out of this life alive anyways.

P.S. fun fact, due to all of the surgeries I've had throughout my existence, the scent of the anesthesia is weirdly implanted into my brain. If I lay down, concentrate on my past memories of the operating room and what the anesthetics smelled like, I can knock myself out. I always come out of it and wake within a few minutes, but I don't do it anymore because of a promise I made my Ma' and bro. I freaked them out with my party trick.  


Published by Derra Sabo