My parents exiled me out of the house for a few minutes because apparently I'm not getting enough vitamin d. Dad's a dick like that, he's convinced his word is gospel and all his ideas sacred and when he says something it is law but he only picks me up on things when he's pissed off so it's kinda patchy when he lays down the law which isn't incredible parenting technique but he does it to be kind but it's just really annoying. It's the last weekend before prelims or mock exams. I got in major shit last year with people because I become an arrogant monster will probably refrain from that this year as the arrogance is diminishing to a reduction in my abilities well actually I'm fine for sciences and English and probably maths but the standards I have are higher and yeah that happens. It's weird I got all motivated months ago, literally. I started learning my courses before school even started and revised like a beast for the months before but now I literally have no incentive to revise. I think it's my body telling me to slow down and just get relaxed for the exams because I don't need to do any more work. But then there's the insecurity that if I'm not revising 24/7. These exams are pretty damn important for me. I put my goals for the year in last weeks blog and one was getting 5 prizes, I need to nail these to get that but as Redbeard has taught me valuing something and wanting something a lot will ruin your chances of getting it by filling you with anxiousness and all that. I think the next two weeks will be a battle for my soul more than a battle of wits. Trying to stay sane and confident in my own abilities and letting that shine is all I need to do. I'm contemplating shutting down the hand spinners for the duration but honestly I think that's just excuses, I can spare a dozen or so minutes every day to do that. So that's my shortish update this week, apprehensive yet excited.

Published by Kevin Li