So lately my “sperm donor” and I have been getting along. He’s been nice and surprisingly funny. I can’t remember the last time he genuinely made me laugh. He made a comment earlier about how if we put all the energy we do hating each other into trying to parent together, he thinks we’d be pretty good parents. While that may be true it hurt my feelings. Why does he feel I hate him? I mean I did but it’s not like a was waking up every day with the intentions of hating him. It was more so me waking up every day hoping today would be the day he stopped being a stupid shit and be here for me. When he didn’t, that’s where all the pain and hate came from, being let down. Did he hate me? What the hell did I do to him? Does he not see he was doing shit to make someone hate him?

                Before when he wanted to get back together I’d always say we have to take things slow, but he never wanted to do that. He wanted things to go back to how they were before I stopped trusting him. A friend of mine thinks couple counseling would be good. They say it’d be nice to see him treat me with some respect, and it would. OMG! When I saw him yesterday, he opened the car door for me. When I go there and when I was leaving. Like waited for me to put my seat belt on and then closed the door. That’s a REALLY big deal for me. My grandpa said a man that loves will always do little things like that. He went and brought groceries, to try and make me more comfortable about coming over. He even mentioned us making dinner for each other again. I love his cooking but he’s never had mine. I told him he doesn’t even know if he likes my cooking and he said, “so, I’d eat it anyways and tell you it was good.”  Good thing I can cook because he wouldn’t let me know if I couldn’t.

Is he really changing or is this just to suck me back into that vicious cycle? 

Published by ShylahBoss Lee