We’ve all seen the movies, read the books, heard the stories. The ones that give you hope that maybe one day, you’ll meet someone really great, out of the blue. Maybe at the grocery store, maybe at a coffee shop. It’ll be fate. And maybe you’ll fight. Break up, even. But if it’s really meant to be, that person will be standing there, throwing pebbles at your window, sending you flowers, doing everything that person can to repair the relationship, regardless of all the times you told them it wouldn’t work out. Oh yes, the essence of all evils, the bringer of false hope.

But what if these stories were real? What if there was a person? What if there may have been something? But you did what many people often do: you changed your mind. Yup. That spark you once had, gone. Those feelings you once felt, now platonic.

“Move on,” you tell them.

“The relationship wouldn’t be worth sacrificing our friendship,” you explain.

But what is there to fear? Don’t you see there’s a chance that it will work out? Why won’t you just take the risk? 

Well, no. Here’s the thing about taking chances and risks, the other person has to want it too. A relationship isn’t a one sided thing. Must I remind you, there are two people involved. Believe it or not, no really does mean no and not interested means just that. Movies do this thing where they romanticize the notion of being fought for. Where it’s cute and thoughtful that someone blatantly ignores your wishes and continues to pursue you anyway, hoping that one day, you’ll just change your mind. If you changed your mind once, you can do it again, right? Wrong.

I know what you’re thinking. High School Musical 2. Troy and Gabriella. She told him she has to go her own way, yet they got back together. She *gasp* changed her mind. But let’s think for a second. What did Troy do in order to win her back after they sang the saddest song in the world together? Absolutely nothing. He didn’t chase her some more, he didn’t leave her creepy messages, he let her be.

In reality, people tend to overlook how scary it really is to have to tell someone that you don’t feel the same way and then have them proceed to pursue you anyway, making an uncomfortable situation a thousand times worse.

When someone says they’re not interested, do they not mean it? Wrong. They don’t want to be pursued, chased, serenaded– no matter how great it may seem in your head. Don’t let the movies confuse you. If you think ignoring our wishes will make our hearts go pitter patter in a nice, loving way, you are wrong. In fact, there will be pitter patter coming from out hearts, but the ones that are the result of fear and anxiety. To your surprise, when people say things, sometimes they do this weird thing where they actually mean it. Shocker. So don’t be that person. Don’t be fooled by the movies.

Published by Yvonne Lieu