This is an account of my first day of my second ever extended water fast. As I mentioned in my previous post, this fast is dedicated to emotional and spiritual healing and cleansing. My intention is to learn how to nourish myself without food in order to liberate myself from food addiction and obsession. I am dedicated to releasing my emotions and expressing my innermost truth and essence to loving others in supportive community and fellowship.

 

I developed the following list of intentions for the fast:

  • I want to spend at least an hour in meditation daily. 
  • I want to practice restorative and yin yoga at least 4 times per week.
  • I want to get closer to God.
  • I want to be FREE from food addiction.
  • I want to feel ALL my feelings and be fully present.
  • I want to cultivate self-trust, and show myself that I can see this commitment through.
  • I wish to reclaim my ideal, healthy body, and all the positive, light, and free energy my soul embodies.
  • I wish to forgive myself for: gaining weight, moving to Monroe, LA, getting the dogs all those years ago and resenting them in my dark moments, not having a relationship with my mom and dad currently, being a food addict, not having a partner, and creating a less than perfect present reality.
  • I want to abstain from spending unnecessarily.
  • I want to abstain from television.
  • I want to fill my being with vital information from the Institute of Integrative Nutrition (my health coaching course), Sri Mati, Rich Roll, recovery literature, Victoria Moran, Chef AJ, Lissa Rankin, Brene Brown, and more. 
  • I want to focus on my work with Integrative Nutrition, Al-Anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA), blogging, and personal development.
  • I want to diligently work Al-anon and ACA, and get an ACA sponsor to begin working the program.
  • I want to open myself even more to community at work, in recovery fellowship, in online community, with neighbors, at the yoga studio, via the workshops I provide, and attend all the cultural events I can find!
  • I want to allow my body to rest and heal itself and reset my physiology. 
  • I want to lose unhealthy weight. 
  • I want to heal my thyroid and reproductive system. 

 

Since beginning the fast, I have experienced quite a bit of transformation.

 

Day 1

 

I allowed myself to sleep in until 8:30, and still did not want to get out of bed. I began my day with vipassana meditation, and experienced some large bowel movements. I felt bloated, heavy, and lethargic. The previous day I had indulged myself in all manner of vegan fare at HealthFest in Marshall, TX, eating foods that I normally do not eat (e.g. cooked foods, corn chips, lots of overt fats, baked goods, pizza). I felt tremendous regret about the indulgences of the previous day, as I had allowed my food addiction to take ahold of me and disrupt my serenity.

 

That being said, hunger was a non-issue. It felt amazing to not eat, and a sense of peace overtook me at the thought of not needing to worry about food for the foreseeable future. I attended a couple more talks at the festival, and then made the two-hour trip back to Monroe, listening to Divine Throughline and the Rich Roll podcast.

 

When I arrived home, I was overtaken by a deep, pervasive sadness and loneliness. Sad that the event had ended. Sad to be back in my gloomy townhome—it’s quite beautiful, but rather dark, and is only furnished with random odds and ends, as I knew it would only be temporary accommodations. Sad about returning to my unfulfilling job the next day. Sad to step back into the reality I chose and created for myself.

 

I picked up my dogs from boarding, and my mood lifted slightly. But the sadness still remained. I cried and cried, feeling grief, sorrow, loss, and overwhelming sadness. I did Sri Mati’s humming meditation and released many more tears, and could not stop crying for an hour or so. My aunt was kind enough to guide me through my pain. The emotional release was scary, but it felt right. I have suppressed my emotions for years, and I welcome the emotional detox.

 

Later on, I read Victoria Moran’s book, The Love-Powered Diet, which is based on the 12 steps of Al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, and all of the other 12-step programs. I admitted my powerlessness over food, which is the very same step I am working in my Al-anon program. I know that I simply cannot keep foods around that I cannot moderate, including cacao, dried fruit, granola, and fats. I use those foods to get high and to numb the pain of day-to-day life. I even use them to dull out happiness and joy! It’s sick, very, very sick.

 

I resolved to stop lying myself. Honest living begins.

Published by Taylor Norris