Day three starts with a prayer. Upon waking, I assume child’s pose, and say to God, “May I learn how to nourish myself without food.”

 

I feel blessed to have had a night full of restful sleep and dreams I can’t quite remember.

 

My morning weigh-in reflects a decrease of .8 pounds (127.8). Eh, better than nothing. But that’s not the goal! I trust that healthy weight loss will manifest, as I let go of emotions, as I release, and as I learn how to nourish myself without resorting to addiction.

 

Morning spiritual practice involves humming meditation, followed by Vipassana, and then a manifesting with love visualization exercise.

 

My motivations are strong. I’ve already made it longer than any attempt since my last extended-water fast. I can and will do this! With the help of God, of course.

 

Digestion-wise, I am having some great BMs. This is hopeful, as there will be less junk to get out with enema. I have been taking 5 Healthforce Intestinal Movement Formula capsules before bed, but may stop this soon as I begin to use enemas. My intention with the enemas is to reduce nausea and prevent autointoxication, which I think happened to me during my first extended water fast

 

I am feeling good so far today. It’s been productive. I finished all my work. I also requested an extra day off, so I can stop on the road trip to and from Colorado. It’s an 18-hour drive, and crazy me was planning to do it in one day. This would not be safe normally, let alone while fasting! I think I will ask my friend to come along. Will be fun! Painful too, but fun. Plus, she can help drive when I need to rest. This will be a nice change of pace, as all my road trips of late have been solo and/or with the pups.

 

I scheduled the dogs’ boarding for that long weekend, and learned they are due for the bordatella vaccine. Any holistic, healthy, natural people out there who know how to get around this?? If so, PLEASE reach out. I hate giving my dogs vaccines, but I know to board them, it’s pretty much non-negotiable.

 

Mental nutrition-wise, I finished my health coaching module for the week. I am quite inspired by the work of Lissa Rankin, M.D. and Brene Brown, Ph.D., a speaker, author, and researcher on shame, vulnerability, and perfectionism.

 

According to Brene Brown, “God is my divine reminder of my inherent worth.” I really like that. I definitely struggle with and hide behind my perfectionism. I can honestly say it has gotten me nowhere! Good grades, yes. But in the realm of human relationships and self-esteem, it is absolute crap!

 

Brown distinguishes between shame and guilt. Guilt has to do with behavior, and is separate from the self. For example, I feel guilty because I didn’t call my dad on his birthday. Whereas, shame is bound to the self. As Brown puts it, “There is something about me that if other people see it, I will not be worthy of connection, and I will lose connection.” Using the same example, I am a bad, shitty person because I did not call my dad on his birthday. See the difference there? Guilt is adaptive, while shame is maladaptive. Trust me, it frickin’ sucks and is a weapon of self-destruction.

 

So what is there to do about the shame and its resulting isolation? We must believe. We must believe we are worthy of love and belonging. What keeps us out of connection is our fear that we are unworthy of connection.

 

I really like Brown’s findings about whole-hearted people, the type of people who live and love with their whole hearts and feel powerfully connected to others:

  • They have the courage to tell the story of who they are with their whole hearts. Pretty tough for the mentalistic, overly rational types...
  • They have the courage to be imperfect. A perfectionist's worst nightmare!
  • They have the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others. Super hard for codependents!
  • They connect as a result of authenticity. A game changer for addicts!
  • They let go of who they think they should be, and be who they are.
  • They are vulnerable.
  • They believe that what makes them vulnerable makes them beautiful (e.g. the willingness to say I love you first, invest in something that may or may not work out).

 

Yes to all of the above!

 

Often when we experience a breakdown or dismantling, which is how my life has been feeling in the last few months, we are blinded to the spiritual awakening that is unfolding and allowing us to step more deeply into whole-hearted living.

 

Instead, we numb vulnerability. We make certain the uncertain with religion, politics, dogma, and self-will. We scrounge around for control, RESIST, and fail to TRUST in a higher power. We make ourselves God. We perfect our children and loved ones, rather than accepting them as they are: as imperfect beings worthy of love and belonging. This is the root of codependency and controlling, manipulative behavior that serves to undermine the seeds of goodness in ourselves and others that are longing to sprout upwards into the sunlight!

 

How do we stop the madness?!?! We let ourselves be seen. Deeply seen and vulnerably seen. We love with our whole hearts. We practice gratitude and lean into joy and positive emotions. We are grateful, because to be vulnerable means that WE ARE ALIVE. We believe we’re enough. We set and maintain healthy boundaries, because to be vulnerable without boundaries is not vulnerability at all!

 

And we remember that the best creative work is the vulnerable stuff. Yes, that is precisely why I am choosing to be vulnerable, raw, and transparent in these posts. I am even posting weights as a means to take away some of the power from that pesky ever-fluctuating, and often maddening number on the scale that so many women give away so much of their power to...myself included.

 

I love you, Brene Brown, and am grateful for your work! See, I said it first!

 

Ok, ok, ok…so back into the body. Physical symptoms: some hunger pangs around 3pm. The growling stomach. “Me Hongry,” she says. “I can do this!” my higher self replies. And that’s that. Ketosis should be kicking in pretty soon, and the hunger will be nonexistent. I know how this goes. I am experiencing general weakness and fatigue, but overall, I feel ok. In fact, I feel really relaxed and chill. Not anxious. Just being. Just am.

 

Human-connection-wise, I have been connecting with fasting buddies around the world. Amazing! I’ve had the pleasure of connecting with some light beings who are also dealing with food addiction and working the steps of 12-step recovery programs. It’s funny and perfect who we attract into our lives. Always a divine purpose in perfect divine timing.

 

In the evening, things took a turn for the worse briefly. I was at the laundromat, which ironically has been the site of massive spiritual awakening for me lately, waiting on my laundry, when I received a personal email with some very upsetting news. I cried and cried and cried and did the humming meditation again to facilitate emotional release. So much sadness, anger, and disappointment released from my being.

 

I am proud to say that I took the appropriate actions in my vulnerable state. I connected with my sponsor, and went to an Al-anon meeting. I released my emotions and sought out support.

 

In the past, I would have kept it all in to suffer alone, silently, and would have chosen addiction for temporary relief.

 

I feel the emotional and spiritual growth underway! I can accept and detach from my loved ones’ insanity, and watch their lives like a movie, while actively engaging in my own life. I don't have to make their mistakes. I get to make my own mistakes, and trust in God to show me my way. I trust in God and in the program for my miracles to happen. I know they are on the way. I know so much healing is happening right now.

 

At the very end of the day, I feel very relaxed and content. Three days into fasting, and I've officially passed the 72 hour mark. I'm all in, baby. It feels easy and effortless. I guess I’m an experienced faster now!

 

My evening spiritual practices involve inviting my dogs into my room for sleeping. My little Ranger is passed out in the bed against my right leg. I smudged him, myself, the room, and the crystals to clear the energy.

 

I feel free and fresh and alive. Clean laundry and a clean body and clean hair. I rubbed and scrubbed my body with all-natural, organic, and vegan lavender soap with my exfoliating gloves to move the toxins out of my system externally. I am grateful to show myself that kindness and to feel the self-love.

 

I repeated love, love, love on the way home from Al-anon tonight. I am feeling that vibration majorly. Words are powerful.

 

Be sure to check out my previous posts on Day 1 and Day 2.