I was chatting to a mommy today and she was telling me about what a good experience she had with her parents who always made time for her. So much so that it is one of the most important things for her to also do with her son. It suddenly dawned on me. When we parent our children, we usually do it in the way we planned out before – the good values, good manners, way to behave etc. But when we get pushed to our limits, which we as mamas often do, the behaviours of the past comes full swing to the surface without us realising. Your own mother’s behaviour you experienced as a child, that you promised you would never impose on your children one day, is played like a stuck record, enacted on them over and over when you get overwhelmed with a child that challenges you.

So the question I want to ask you today is, what behaviour are you modelling?

In order to change something, you first need to become aware that it’s there. If you identify a negative behaviour pattern, you can actually do something about it. Of course it is often necessary to ask for help. Having ingrained patterns of behaviour is not always so simple and easy to sort out yourself. Years and years of being exposed to that behaviour makes it almost part of your DNA. No matter how emotionally intelligent you are or how much personal mastery work you have done on yourself, when some of those deep hurts of the past bubbles up from beneath, it’s almost like autopilot comes on. Before you can help yourself you’ve blurted out the words you didn’t want to or gone into momzilla mode like so many countless times before.

I want to tell you today – there is light at the end of the tunnel. As long as you can see a way out, a plan, some sort of formula or action steps you can follow, there is hope. Ask for help, seek the advice of a professional, trusted confidant or even a dear friend or fellow mama whose been there before. Often times you don’t need someone to give you the exact answer. You just need someone to reflect back to you, to help you unearth exactly what lies beneath. Where does it come from and how you want to change it.

A wise man recently told me that it all comes down to self-love. Isn’t it strange how that is probably one of the hardest things in the world to do. Why is it so easy to criticise rather than praise, find the fault rather than seeing the good?

We live in a fast paced society which favours the route of least resistance. Thinking is probably one of the hardest things to do. Seeing the good instead of the bad, finding the love instead of the criticism takes effort and time to reflect. It’s become somewhat of a commodity. Although we’ve adjusted to living life this way, I propose to you that it is going to have a long term negative effect.

Will you be brave enough to take this first step with me to delve a little deeper, to see where it all comes from and to make a change? We can do it together, one baby step at a time.