In this crazy fast paced world of confusion, most men and women go based on illusion.


What do men want?

That is the big question.

An even bigger question would be what do women want?

If any one person knew the answer, maybe it would not be a question and as individuals we might actually get some place productive in regard to the area of relationships.

However, in this crazy fast paced world of confusion, most men and women go based on illusion. Women go on the illusion of what could be. Just the possibility  a date could lead into something long-term, a woman will take a chance, and see what a man is all about. Never realizing that the only long term anything she might get is, long-term stress.

I say this because if you have a date with a man, and you are interested in him, more than likely he will not be honest.

Which brings me to the next question. Why can’t men just tell the truth?

The truth hurts, but it will save everyone from stress. This is why some, a lot, not all but some women are lonely. Well most women, not all women hang on to the hope of what might be. To some degree, most women are lonely. Doesn't matter how much money you have, how beautiful you are, you are lonely and this is the main factor in women getting involved with just any type of man. I believe most women are lonely to a very extreme degree because most men do not have the capacity to give a woman what she needs in all aspects. So what if a man can rock a women's world in bed, women are so much more than just sexual. When a woman gets married, she thinks she is done with being lonely but I think most married women are the most lonely. I know so many people who really question why did they get married because they are more alone than before they were married. I experienced the same issue when I was married and I am honest enough to say that.

What I have noticed, most marriages lack communication. Why? It’s simple, because men are not honest about how they feel, and what they want. Men do not know what they want, and they will not be honest about it. Men have this need to be on top of things, and they would like women to think they actually have a clue.

Men and relationships just do not fit well, why, because men are not comfortable sharing the emotional part of their soul when they feel insecure. A man who is secure with who he is, will not be afraid to share with his partner, all his secrets, desires, and inner most thoughts. Sure any man will share themselves sexually with absolutely no shame.

Just think of how good it could feel to have a relationship with someone, even if just of a sexual nature. If you explore with your partner and share your true desires. The whole entire experience would be so much better. If it happens that the relationship ends, well at best it was worth the time put into it, because neither one of the people in the relationship held back.

Personally I think, to have a partner that you can be yourself with, especially in the bedroom. It makes the entire experience so much more fulfilling.

So what if it doesn’t end up long-term. Feel no shame that you let go and gave into passion instead of fear. Now this person knows what you feel from your soul. So what if in that moment you said words you might not say other wise. In the moment of passion anything is to be expected.

By you not being fearful, you leave the door open for that person to one day return, even if just for a playback of what once was, and they will do this because they felt comfortable with you.

At age twenty-seven, I landed a job in a gentlemens club. This place educated me on men, and there dirty little secrets. I had a few customers that would come and want nothing more than to talk, because they could not tell their wives what there desires were. I am talking about men with good jobs, in nice three-piece suits, with shiny weddings bands on their finger. I did not feel it was wrong for them to come to strip clubs and watch women, but I felt it was wrong they were afraid to tell the woman they married what they really wanted, and to share their sexual desires.

Men like it nasty in the bedroom, but what happens in the bedroom should always stay the in the bedroom. It's up to the man to share his feelings and desires with the woman he decided to make his wife. If you don’t have comfort in your marriage it’s because you have shame in your heart. You should not feel shame for wanting to explore. You should feel shame if you don’t share your desires with your partner.

If you are single this is even more difficult because you feel you don’t want to let go and tell all to a person that might not be around after the first dating. Well that is something most people don’t want to do. Men want to jump in for sex and women want a relationship. There has to be an in between at some point. A woman will totally lose herself just hoping he is the right one. Most women are concentrating on what he wants.

How can you even think to please a man and make him happy in all aspects, if you don’t even take the time to do for you what will make you happy? So how can you as a woman give a man what he wants?

Women think they know what it is they want. When they get involved with a man they simply forget, they are so wrapped up in trying to figure him out, that they lose themselves. I was once guilty of this but I saw my truth and didn't like it so I changed what did not work. I ask this question of myself, what is it women want out of life in general? I guarantee you that most woman will answer the same. You will answer, you just want a good man, or you will answer you just want to be happy.

You meet a man and you have hope in your eyes. A sharp man can see this.

Take caution, because an even sharper man will use it against you for him to get what he wants and needs to satisfy him. Although he is good enough in whatever form to catch your attention. A woman will find many things wrong with a man, however, she will still want him. In her mind She tries to pick him apart for excuses as to why he is not responding the way she would like him to. Although a woman will find more than a few things wrong, she will still continue to want him. Why? Women don't know what they want but they do know they do not want to be alone.

Why go through all of this, this is not necessary to do. Yet, women do it. They judge men, and men judge women. Not that men do not deserve it. Lets face it they are a royal pain in the ass.

Women cannot give men what they want.

How can they? When man himself has no clue about what he wants. Men are as confused as women are. Men are attracted to women, and if a man sees a woman he is attracted to, he will want her. It’s natural, and this is something women are very aware of, this is why women try to carry themselves in a proper manner, and do their hair and nails and makeup. Just to have men be attracted to them.

Without having a clue as to what a woman is about, a man will ask a woman out on a date. This is why as women you go through all that you do to make your self more attractive. You can say it’s for yourself. Okay, so you put on your makeup, which is so much fun, for yourself. Lets face it, putting on makeup, not fun, blowing out your hair, instead of just brushing it and pulling it up in to a pony tail, it’s more fun. Getting up an hour or two or three before work to make your self pretty, for yourself, DOUBT IT.

You make yourself more attractive for men without even realizing it. Just so a man might find you attractive, or so you can get a date. If you love you as you are wouldn't you want a man to love you for the same things?

Take the extra time to make you feel better about yourself, and take the time to realize what you want. Don’t sell yourself short and do something you will regret the day after the night before you acting on impulse and boredom, just because in the moment you were lonely.

Find your self-worth and advertise that, not your lonely heart. There are so many ways to get inside a mans head, but the best way to do this, is without letting him know you're doing it. Make yourself an ever-lasting memory even if he wants to forget you. A man can’t stand a woman who is in his head even when he doesn’t want her there, because it's a good thing for a woman but not to a man. WHY? Because he can’t control it, and a man fears what he can’t control. So make him feel you from his soul, he can’t control what comes from deep inside. In time if you do the right thing, he will be to you what you want him to be.

Published by Josephine Conde