I have been told by a few that they love me, but what does it really mean?

People have told me they love me, and I question why? They tell me they love me and I question whether they have truly shown it. 

At then end of it all I am the one that is hurt, aching, finding it hard to love again. When I do love back I end up being hurt even more. So I lock my emotions down, build up defences, don't open up.

What is love?

What does it mean to be truly loved?

I am unconditionally loved by my family, to me that is true love, pure and never ending. 

But for another human being to love me for who I am, who I am at this time in my life, all my flaw and imperfections. What is love?

Is it not selfish thing, to hold over someone, to say you have stronger feelings therefore you are in the wrong. Is it just simple sweet love? I would love to encounter a sweet simple love without flaws. I admire those who have it, it is a very special thing. But I question whether it truly exists?

I have loved before. I wonder if I will be able to love again, as it goes on too many people get hurt. Love is dangerous, it cannot be prevented and it should not be stopped. but is all the pain really worth it?

Love is not handed out like candy, it is not something easily shared. But when someone tells me they love me, I overthink, I question their motives. WHY ME? What makes me so special to feel like that?

Even if I do accept it, then I expect too much. 

Well if you did love me you would do this and that. 

Maybe I am flawed due to insecurity, to think it is so crazy for someone to appreciate me for who I really am.

But then again that is me, I would find it hard to love me. 

Is love something that consumes you? Is love an instinctive feeling?

I find it hard to feel any emotion sometimes because I shut down only to avoid being hurt.  I share my struggle so noone feels alone in this. 

Published by Katy-Jane Pitt