Depression.

This word. Some people have been living in this word for years now. Depression is not easy, it never is. Some people might have mistaken it as "sadness". Depression is more than that. Just because you feel sad that doesn't mean you have depression. "I lost my favorite pair of shoes. I'm depressed." No. Just no. Depression is not that. If you have depression, you'll not only feel sadness. You'll feel utterly useless and wishing you've never existed. You feel all the emotions at once and sometimes, none at all.

The thing is, though, your mind is in constant state where everything or anything is just there. The things you used to love, like, and enjoy is not so important to you anymore. You're existing, but never living. You will do all the things that you've been doing but it will feel like a routine. You won't be able to pick up your favorite books and you won't be able to eat your favorite food; you won't be able to enjoy the music that you used to listen everyday because it makes your blood pumping and it just makes you want to stand up and dance....to feel alive. But these things, are going to be just a big "NO". You eat, sleep, do your everyday tasks, and repeat. You're there doing those things but you're really not. You're just trapped in your own head.

Suddenly you realize that sad songs are not sad enough.

The joy of hanging out with your friends is not there anymore. You just want to be alone. Alone with your thoughts. Thoughts that you're not good enough and you're useless. Thoughts that what if, what if you just end everything to make it go away? Would it help me?

You push people away. The other part of you is shouting "fight this! Fight for this! It will work out just fine!" But the other part of you is just begging you on her knees, "please stop. It's not worth it. Give up." You push people away because you don't have the strength to show them that you're fine. You push them away because you believe that you're not worthy of them. That they deserve more than you can give.

When people talk around you, or having a conversation with you, all you can think of is for them to stop. They're gonna talk to the robot version of you. You answer everything with an empty meaning behind all of the words that's coming out of your mouth because all you wanna do is go home and just be with your own mind.

The little things will even be hard for you to do. You just don't have the energy. You just don't have the strength. You just... You just can't.

But we can. We CAN fight depression. We can fight it with or without a professional's help. The only person who can help us is our own self, and by letting the people who loves us in. We must stand tall and be strong, fight the negative things in life. Even fight our own mind. We may not be okay today but we will be. I know we will. Because if we believe that we can fight this? We can.

Published by Mae Vitale