Is there ever a "good time" to call an end to a marriage? Is there a wrong time to file for a divorce? Can marriages be saved? There are so many questions running through your mind when contemplating a divorce. On one hand you don’t want to end your relationship with the person you love, but on the other hand, the daily arguments are getting you down. There are lots of genuine reasons to end a marriage and while it’s heartbreaking, it’s sometimes necessary. So, when is it ever the right time for young married college students to file for a divorce?

Constant Fighting and Arguments

Arguments are a normal part of married life. Couples argue and fight over the silliest of things, from who should do the dishes to when is the best time to start a college fund for the new baby, it’s natural. However, there are major differences between the occasional argument and a constant battle. Every couple argues about the major – and even minor – decisions within a relationship and household, but when it's running theme, that’s when it’s a good time to file for a divorce.

It’s unhealthy to remain in a volatile environment where constant arguments are taking place. Both you and your spouse will make yourselves ill fighting all the time and can have a major impact on your physical and emotional wellbeing.

Violence within the Relationship

In accordance with completecase.com, marriages rarely survive when there has been domestic abuse or violence. It’s often a recurring theme within the relationship, whether it’s one-sided or carried out by both sides and is the first sign of a dying marriage. Sometimes, a marriage can actually recover from a one-off physical altercation. People can get help for their anger if they’re willing to do something about it and the relationship can become stronger, but, that’s not always the case.

It doesn’t matter if the man is the aggressor or the woman is the aggressor when there has been domestic violence or abuse, it may be a good time to file for a divorce. Yes, you’re a college student and have endless worries on your shoulders, but you can’t let that stop you from walking away from a potentially dangerous situation.

You’ve had Several Trial Separations with No Signs of Progress

Trial separations and breaks are common within new marriages of college students and it’s quite understandable because every couple has their differences. Some couples can recover after a short separation and in truth, it’s what a couple needs at times to pull them back together. There’s no shame in taking a break and working out the differences. However, if there have been several separations over the last year or so and the relationship isn’t getting better or there’s no positive progress, it’s time to make a tough decision.

What’s positive progress? There are probably issues that caused you to break-up in the first place and if you aren’t able to fix or resolve those problems, it may be time to file for a divorce. Positive progress can be anything from opening the lines of communication to resolve contentious issues within the relationship. However, as said, if progress isn’t made after a significant period, it’s a good time to file for divorce.

The Relationship Just Isn’t Working

Sometimes, relationships fizzle out. You don’t always have to be tearing strips off one another to end a marriage; and sometimes, it’s the best way forward for both parties, even though they love one another. Remember, people grow apart; they fight all the time because they want two different things. One spouse wants to stay where they are and continue their education while the other wants to move three states over! It’s easy to let marriage fall apart, especially when there’s a growing distance between husband and wife.

It’s not wrong for couples to try and work on their marriage, but at the same time, when the spark is gone, it’s never the same. Two people can slowly find their feelings change and when it happens, it's time for a divorce. College students don’t need the added stress of a divorce, but having said that, you’ll find it’s often the best solution for everyone.

Marriage Counseling Hasn’t Been Successful

Tens of thousands of young couples go to counseling in hopes of saving their floundering marriages and it can be useful for many – especially college students – to iron out their differences. However, counseling can only do so much. If one or both of you aren’t willing to do your part, nothing will ever change. What is more, if counseling sessions haven’t helped and the relationship is deteriorating further it may be time to file for a divorce. 

You’ve Grown Apart and No Longer in Love with One Another

Growing apart is a natural part of life. Falling in and out of love happens all the time and while you might truly love your partner, it’s no longer the same kind of love you once shared. Love is a fickle thing because while you can love your spouse you might not be in love with them. As awful as it sounds, it’s part and parcel of life. However, it’s also a good time for college students to file for a divorce.

You are going in different directions in life and if you can both recognize that, you can end things amicably before you grow to hate one another. Yes, trying to make it work is fantastic, but when it doesn’t work a divorce isn’t the worst thing that can happen. Would you rather walk away as friends or as enemies?

Infidelity and Lies

Have you ever caught a partner in a lie? Have you cheated on a spouse or know they have? Often, couples can overcome lies and infidelity in the infant stages of their relationship and go onto having a loving life-long relationship; unfortunately, others do not. Trust is essential and there’s a fine line between what you can forgive and what you can move on from. For example, your partner cheated on you three years ago and you were kids at high school and were able to forgive them and move on, but now it’s happened again, can you forgive? If not, it’s a good time to file for a divorce.

Why is that if you forgave them the first time?

Mistakes can happen and you might have been happy enough to forgive the infidelity once, but not a second or third time and if that’s the case you have to take decisive action and walk away. It’s the same as lying. Now, everyone tells a little lie or two, but there are some lies which you can’t come back from. For instance, lying about silly things such as how much is spent on a night out is not so much of a big deal, but lying about major financial decisions like how much money is in the children’s educational fund is another matter.

When there have been constant lies and deceit, even though it’s not infidelity, it’s a reason to call it quits for the marriage.

A Profound Impact on the Children

Couples often believe that since their children are infants they don’t understand or pick up on the tension within the home. However, children are often the first ones to know when there is something wrong. They can sense the unease and it makes them scared and unwell. When a young married couple is having constant problems and the children are seeing the physical fights, verbal confrontations and shifting from one home to another, it’s time to file for a divorce.

The situation is toxic and while you may still be studying for your future career, juggling work and family – amongst many other things – you have to think about the impact on the children. It’s time to act like a grown-up and do what’s right for them and that might very-well mean filing for a divorce. No young mother or father wants to go through a divorce at such a young age, especially when they’re in college trying to better themselves, but nine times out of ten, the situation will only continue to get worse.

Rocky relationships impact a child far greater than you might realize. 

What You Must Contemplate Whilst Thinking About Divorce

Divorce is a nasty word, but it’s something that most of us have to face at one time or another. However, what you have to seriously consider when contemplating a divorce is whether or not this is what you truly want. Divorce is an easy tool to throw at your partner when you’re angry, but is it really what you want? You shouldn’t rush into this decision, you should take your time to consider your options and after you’ve rationally thought about the situation, if that’s what you want, you know it’s a decision you didn’t take lightly.

Here are a few other things you may want to think about when filing for divorce:

  • Custody of the Children – Temporary and Permanent Custody.

  • Division of Marital Property and Assets – Real Estate, Bank Accounts, Vehicles.

  • The Impact on the Children and Wider Family Members – Sharing Custody and Visitations.

  • Current and Future Finances.

  • A Clean Break Is Best.

  • Never Put The Blame On The Split On The Spouse When Children Are Involved.

  • Potentially Transferring To another College Next Semester.

  • Accepting a Divorce Will Take Time for Both Parties.

Being Civil Is the Best Way Forward For Both Parties

On a final note, you and your former spouse might no longer have that special connection, but that doesn’t mean to say the divorce has to be any more painful than absolutely necessary. Whether there are kids involved, pets or neither, it’s going to be a tough process to go through. Ideally, you want to make it as easy as possible and opting for a clean break is the best way forward.

You may be angry and probably dislike your former spouse but that doesn’t mean to say you have to drag them – and yourself – into court for the next ten years. What you want is a clean break so that you keep the stress of divorce as little as possible. Put the anger to one side and have a healthier outlook on life. You’re young, it hurts now, but there are plenty of opportunities to move on and find happiness again, no matter who was at fault for the divorce.

It costs nothing to be civil.

 

Published by Matthew Piggot