I'd say, that 9/10 mornings are slowly becoming accomplishments, just with the waking up part and turning like 6 alarms off. Well, this phenomenon started a very long time ago. At least for some of us. It all started maybe at the period of time when you happened to be aware of your inside world.
Maybe when you turned 15, the mornings were like walks to the mail box outside of your house and back to your breakfast.

Then after some time, when you turn 17, the waking up part seems a little bit harder, let's say it's similar to walking through crowded place while trying to fight wind, blowing against your...everything. The fact is, that you don't always feel happy and alive, but sometimes, when you leave for a weekend, then happen to end up in friends car, singing along to some stupid song, laughing at stories that happened like hundred years ago, and even though the windows are down and you are feeling a little bit cold, it doesn't bother at all because this moment will make you feel better and fuel you at least for upcoming week or so.

Then one day, you are a year older, thinking of the things that made you feel warm last year, ended you high school this year, a very big step. Suddenly, there is a switch and you don't care anymore about shit, so you create a smile on your face- just for you. Take a sip of your coffee and move on with your life.

,,Fuck, I am 20 today..." - That'd be a thought when you wake up at the morning , but 2 years later. You're standing in the kitchen, making yourself breakfast, still drinking coffee like you used to and listening to that one song that really squeezes your heart- you don't even know why. You're just standing there quietly, munching your food, yawning at some point, trying not to look at the big watch hanging on the wall. You are supposed to leave in a bit, for university or work or shopping for groceries (and that looks really unavoidable now). So even though you are supposed to go, you're still standing there, thinking of the old books in your shelf that made you feel excited. The thing is, you don't feel that excited at all today.
Do you miss it?
Is this mood happening just because it's morning?

This needed to happen- those 5 minutes of nostalgia were inevitable. You are realizing you will never be that 15 year old "baby" with no real problems and hell, this is the first time you are this old! You unfortunately don't remember all the things that happened on your way here, but you know what?
It doesn't matter.
The song is over.
Finishing up your coffee.
Breathe in and breathe out.

Well, again, with a smile on your face, you're glad that you're still here and you even though so many things happened. Realizing that most mornings you get out of the bed, are enough.

At least for now...


P.s: Maybe it's better to be a night person instead *haha*.


Published by Nina S