Some things in life are absolutely clear like solid colors. You can declare them as right or wrong, and expect others to feel the same. Such aspects are more or less laws or universally accepted facts. It is easy to identify, classify and treat them without any doubts, keeping uncertainty at bay. With such level of confidence, there is no space for the variable called ‘circumstances’.

   Be it any situation, these things are meant to fall under one or the other pile. Like stopping at a red traffic signal or attending school for education are the primary right things to be followed universally. In such a perfect world of certainty and rules, life would always be wonderful in every possible way.

But the question is, can we classify everything into clear right or wrong?

What about uncertain factors such as our feelings, choices, experiences and beliefs?

 Is it possible to pull them under any particular category or do they always tend to fall under the gray zone?

 Is it possible to be right or wrong during certain unexpected situations?

And what happens when your belief of right or wrong does not match with the person next to you?

  This is when the angle of appropriateness comes into picture. At times, right or wrong is totally fictitious. It is impossible to know what is correct or incorrect, when uncertain circumstances rub their weight off. Under such uncertainty, it is essential to judge the appropriateness and act accordingly. What you believe to be right may not necessarily resonate with your loved ones. No matter how well you think about a particular solution and strive to explain it to others, there will always be some scope for doubts. Such situations demand the involvement of appropriateness.

  If you are convinced about your decisions or solutions to a particular challenge, it is only appropriate to continue over the same. Justifying your choice may not match with others, leading to nothing but disappointment. Agreeing to disagree is a matured option. When aspects are in the doubtful gray zone, no amount of convincing can do the trick.

  This reality of right/wrong/appropriateness does not limit to problems or difficulties alone. Several decisions in our life such as education, career, passion or lifestyle fall under the scope of appropriateness. How we live our life cannot be labelled into clear right or wrong. What you see as the best choice for you will seem totally unacceptable for your loved ones. At such times, it is necessary to think about appropriateness. As long as you have analyzed your decision well by matching the level of appropriateness, there is nothing to worry about.

    Often, we behave in a certain way in the heat of the moment. Our responses, actions, reactions and emotions are guided by that particular situation. At such times, the value of appropriateness comes into the picture. If every situation in our life was to be rosy, sweet, ideal and perfect, there would be no scope for errors. But, the matter of fact is life is never ideal. If it is impossible to expect a perfect course with no hidden uncertainties, how can we expect the same over every situation? How can you be so sure of knowing what is right or wrong, when those beliefs are guarded by your personal opinion?

   Most of the arguments and fights revolve around the belief, ‘I am always right.’ In the attempt to prove right over wrong, we tend to involve rage, hatred, bitterness and anger, only to reach no good conclusion. On the other hand, if we recognize the situation and label it uncertain right at the start, we can work towards the appropriateness. Right or wrong is more of a power game, turning us into competitors, while we look forward to winning the prize. But, not everything in life is crystal clear to identify the right from wrong. When we learn to get rid of this right-wrong power game, we become receptive towards the ‘appropriate’. As we invest efforts - our aim is to find out what is good, rather than what is right or wrong?

  When such uncertainty pertains to worldly matters, we tend to wear a matured robe. We express our opinions and agree to disagree. Matters such as politics, environment, climate change, global affairs fall under the domain of inconclusive discussions. We put forth our stand without expecting others to agree.    

     It is only when the focus shift to personal matters with family or loved ones, we unknowingly wear the power robe. Instead of thinking about appropriate ways for the entire clan, we make it a matter of right over wrong, inviting ego into action. The desire to prove oneself right drives him/her into a dirty egoistic play. Instead of focusing over what is appropriate, the battle of right vs wrong takes away all the energy, time, resources and the most important of all - mood.

  It is not disastrous if your way is not the most appropriate one and what others suggest falls perfectly into the mold. It is perfectly okay to accept that your ideas or suggestions are not appropriate for the particular situation. The belief ‘My way is the right one’ is possibly the worst belief in our system. It is essential to show a bigger heart by agreeing to pick the appropriate option. That does not mean appropriate options are always the happy ones. There can be sorrow, failure or disappointment in the air as a result of a sad situation. But appropriateness stands for the best possible way out.

  I like to look at appropriateness as a closed relative of ‘practical approach’. It is not possible to be emotional, sensitive and think about what others feel all our life. If we invest more time in analyzing how and what people think about us, we will only be able to do that one thing of ‘thinking’. Because whatever you do is neither right nor wrong. You do what is appropriate for your life and experience happiness to the fullest.

   No amount of thoughts can replace the output of actions. Unless we act over things, we cannot expect results. The battle of how right or wrong your decisions are will go over for a lifetime, but the output of your appropriate action will be in front of you in a short while.

   Appropriate actions may not be glamorous, shiny or perfect dream-like. Finding joy in appropriateness is the key to satisfaction and eternal happiness. If we learn to pick a practical approach, we will experience more of joy in a pure form. It is similar to a happening movie with less drama and more action and story.

 Pick the appropriate option when right or wrong seems fictitious.  Right and wrong will be busy fighting for the cake, while appropriateness gulps down the last bite!


Published by Lavanya