I can't write today. You see, I had this great idea for a blog post, all about love and why you should love loudly, and I've been staring at an empty screen for an hour because I have no words. Literally none. Not even an "a." And I just keep sitting here telling myself, "You know, Kylee, the magical thing about writing is that you have to, you know, string letters together to form words in order to do it. Any will be fine. Just start typing." Still, nothing. It's a total and complete block.

I'm not used to silence. I'm definitely not used to having no words. Even when others around me are quiet, I'm stringing stories along in my mind and thinking of things to say when the silence ends. Today, though, my brain is eerily blank; and because I am an overreacting drama queen, I'm wondering if this is a permanent thing. One case of writer's block is apparently all it takes to make me question if I have anything left worth saying. 

I've gotten so used to my brain buzzing along that I don't quite know what to do with myself when it rests. Part of it is anxiety, yes; the much bigger portion, though, is just my brain making connections and doing what it's meant to do. I've become reliant on the background music that is my very noisy brain, and I've forgotten how to just be quiet. I've forgotten how to be still. Thus, instead of just reflecting and resting, I am trying to force myself to put words where they don't belong. Though I guess if we're being technical, "Forcing myself to put words where they don't belong" will probably end up being the title of my autobiography, so do with that what you will. 

I'm going to keep this short because my thought process is devolving by the second and pretty sure this is going to be so messy even I won't know what I'm trying to say. When the words won't come, all you can do is wait. Waiting sucks; nothing will make the waiting suck less. Remember what it felt like before the words, and just be thankful that they will come back. Reacquaint yourself with silence. Personally, I'm about to hop on a treadmill and bash my head against the railing until the words fall out of my brain and into my mouth, but you learned a long time ago to take everything I say and do with a grain of salt.

I'm confident that my words will come when they are ready, and when they do, they'll be incredible. I have a really good feeling about 2017. I think a lot of really magical things are going to happen, both to me and in general, this year. So until I can find the right words to describe them, I'm just going to enjoy the experiences. A happy new year indeed.

Published by Kylee Jackson