I have always been the one who takes relationships too seriously.  The one who can’t do short term.

The truth is, that isn’t the truth at all.

I know what I want, and I don’t want to settle with any less. What’s wrong with not wanting to invest my heart into something that's bound to end?

Unfortunately, I have grown up in a hook up culture. People start, and even end what they call a “relationship” by partaking in this. Not that I judge those who do it at all, because I don’t. Being young gives you the right to enjoy all of your features, abilities, etc. It’s only normal to release your hormones one way or another.

But for me, relationships have always just meant something more. Maybe it was the way I was raised, or maybe something I just evolved into believing. I think the body, and heart is something to be protected. 

This tends to lead me towards the opposite of what I am looking for surprisingly 90% of the time. I have an idea of what I want, but in the end, it ends up not being what I wanted at all.

And usually since I have a big heart, I will keep chasing this idea of what I call “love.” And at some point, I’ll realize it isn’t it. 

After those experiences, I say screw it. Screw love.

The truth is, I don’t mean one single word that I just said above. 

So I keep searching, and I will probably always be searching until I find exactly what I want.

Eventually, i’ll stop searching and find it right in front of me.

….or at least that’s the hope. 

Although being a hopeless romantic ends with disappointment, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I know that when I do settle for less, I will always realize there’s more.

From “falling” so many times, I have learned exactly what I want in a person. 

Now I know that my excessive pickiness, and strongly based values actually do matter. So, I will always keep hoping for that relationship that I have wanted. 

The idea of hook ups being morally correct and even encouraged, is just not my thing. I love the innocence that I hold, as little, or as much as it may be. I way rather wait to spend it on someone who actually matters to me. 

Some may not agree, but numbers add up. There’s a point when there’s so many on someone’s list that you wouldn’t dare to be put on next. 

Although it gets exhausting waiting for someone to finally see things the way I see them, I know it will happen.

I know that at some point, whether it’s in high school (extremely unlikely), or college, or maybe a time extremely far from now, someone will sweep me off my feet. I may watch a few too many romantic comedies, but I love the idea of them. I love the idea of someone standing outside my window holding the boombox. I love the idea of being written countless love letters. I love the idea of someone screaming “I love you” to me in the most public place. I love the idea of an actual love.

A love that doesn’t need to be proven through actions, but words. A love that I won’t need to feel like I need to sacrifice who I am for.

It makes me sad that people seem to have stopped wanting this. A short term commitment has become so appealing to most, and I am always on the opposite side. I know relationships don’t last forever, but I don’t want a 45 minute hook up either. Love has become a chore, rather than a privilege. Lust has simply overpowered it. 

Love is such a big word, and I have never been one to take it lightly.

Nor should you.

The bottom line is, being a “hopeless romantic” and falling hard for even what you shouldn’t, will always bring you somewhere.

I rather love my heart out, and get broken one hundred times than to give myself to someone who’s name i’ll forget in a year.

So, maybe after all, the “hopeless romantic”, actually has more hope than any other. We just take a longer time finding what we want compared to others. 

Published by Emilee Jacobson