I've spent countless hours typing. Editing. Proofreading. Drafting. Crossing out. Starting again. And sometimes, I get it right. Sometimes the words fall into place, the sentences link. The whole piece flows. I look back on it months later, and ask, "I wrote that?". It goes into my favourites folder. My portfolio. Something to send off when I'm introducing my work to an online acquaintance, or trying desperately to get a website to publish me. But sometimes, the words don't form sentences. The sentences don't weave into paragraphs. I'm left with a jumble of words. I am writing in another language, with the wrong set of characters and no knowledge of the grammar. It's frustrating. Sometimes debilitating. It destroys my motivation and creativity. 

So why? Why do I do this? Why do I spend my hours writing, sitting up after midnight and trying to make the sentences work? Why do I contort an already full schedule for the sake of a few articles? 

Because in my mind, it's not a few articles. It's my link to Hashem. When I write a good piece- a really good piece- it touches my neshama. It touches my soul. I want to daven, but at the same time, I feel as if I've been davening as I write. My words are my prayers. When I praise Hashem in my writing, when I speak of His glory, or when I write of the mitzvot, it comes from my heart. I'm writing with passion. Not for myself. Not for a website. Not even for my readers. But for the sake of prayer. For Hashem. These articles are my prayers; offered to Hashem on the spur of the moment, embodied in letters on a screen, to be looked upon later and remembered. I'm writing because it brings me closer to Hashem. 

Sometimes, I have another goal. Sometimes my prayers, my articles, aren't just for me. They're for you as well; for other people. I want you to read about the mitzvot and Hashem, and feel closer to Him. I want your neshama to feel closer to Him. I'm not writing anything new. I'm not making hiddushim. I don't expect to you to learn great things from my insights on the Parsha. But I'm learning. About the Chazal. About the rabbonim. And about my Creator. May you be blessed with a sweet and healthy new year, and may you find yourself closer to Hashem than ever before. 

Published by Lily Smythe