I haven't written a blog in a while and for this there are several reasons. The first, I needed time to reflect on myself without having to write it and share it with everyone, the second was, I have no motivation, concentration or capacity to think straight to write it all down. This seems to occur over the winter months when my depression gets worse and I make rash decisions and actions.

This hasn't helped with losing a close friend at this time of year as well as a few people putting me down so they can feel better about their decisions and actions.

This time of year is hard not just for me, but everyone. When the nights are longer and the days are shorter, its cold and many feel isolated and alone. I write this so people who are struggling with depression, SAD (seasonal affective disorder), mental health issues or just feeling down, that you are not alone, and you have not lost the battle.  

I feel that I have done so well winning my battle over the last year and during this season I feel like I am losing, that maybe I am not as strong as I first thought. I find it difficult to share these feelings and feel like I should have to struggle on my own as others are going through similar things and don't need an extra burden added on to them. Which I know is stupid, because I really could use the support of my friends right about now. 

I am making a choice to share my feelings, making a choice to think positively. Someone said to me once that we have a choice over whether we deal with something in a negative manner or a positive one, that we have a choice in handling it, a choice over our emotions. This has really stuck with me and I have been trying my hardest to stay positive, deal with things positively, stop having negative thoughts. It has helped, think I wouldn't have done so well over these past few months without that advice. 

I am still struggling and this puts me in awkward situations that I find difficult to get out of and I need to be selfish. I need to put myself first and take control of my life and the events that occur in it. It is time for change, positive change, that will help me feel more fulfilled and motivated. 

 

 

NOTE: if you feel you need someone to talk to, check out my website, link is in my bio. There are various agencies out there to help people through difficult times. I have also posted the Samaritans number below. 

116 123

 this number is FREE to call