Condo: (n) short for condominium, a multiple-unit complex

Over the years, I have lied to keep up with the Joneses, who, by the way, ended up being massive liars.

When I realized that people expected me to have a higher education, I attempted to make up a college career.

When it occurred to me that the number of songs I had written seemed small, I inflated the tally.

In my youthfulness, I promoted myself as a tree-top lover, when within a few moments, the true status of my report became obvious.

Many times in my life I have shared, insisted and informed people that I lived in a condo. Why? Because it sounds affluent.

On those occasions, what I was actually living in was one of the following: an efficiency, a duplex, a flat, an apartment or the back end of my van.

But no one was impressed with these locations. I was young. I felt the need to blow minds.

Before I started really touring, I made up a schedule which made me seem to be a combination of Michael Jackson and Justin Timberlake.

I always worked on the simple premise that people are too lazy to actually check out your stats–but time and time again I was proven wrong. There are many individuals who live to disprove other people’s false reports–especially when you insist you have a condo, forgetting that you have invited this person over to dinner next Tuesday.

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Published by Jonathan Cring