I've spent the majority of my life...struggling. Not in the sense of depression, or defeat. I can admit, I've lived through plenty of hardships. Some I feel comfortable talking about, others I don't. My biggest struggle has always been discrimination. Yes... Me... your humble inspirer. I've spent more time fighting against being the outcast, then I have succeeding. I've been stifled, shut out, and overlooked. Hmmm... Let's rewind a few seconds. I consider myself successful. I have four children who are diamonds in the rough; kindhearted, good natured, respectful, moralistic, intelligent and strong. Although that isn't why I'm successful, my success comes from being surrounded by family, love, and happiness.

Because I choose it. 

All I've ever wanted to do in life is...make it. That's harder than you think to achieve. For me, things don't come easy. I'm never good enough, I don't fit in, and I'm intimidating. Awesome! I have many haters. YAY ME! ;) (Before you get all preachy on me, this is not my personal self trash talk. This comes from things people say to me.)

Again, I'm not here to complain about having haters. Mom taught me from very young, "If people have a problem with you, that is their problem not yours." I walk along in this world with that very mentality. It's my M/O (Modus Operandi)

You see, I'm always climbing from the very bottom. I stand no chance most often than not. Yet.. I strive. I struggle, I hope, I desire, and I am determined. Yes, I'll admit I have experienced many rejections, failures, mishaps , obstacles, and discrimination. I won't go into detail about the discrimination I've had to experience. That is a can of worms that shall depressurized slowly. However, It's not an easy thing to have hanging over your head.

The thing is... I guess that's why I'm here. Everyday. It's not because I think I'm oh so holy and have this deep connection with ______ (whatever you want to call it) It's because my life hasn't always been a glorious image. I've seen much, experienced lots, and have deeply reflected from it all. Truthfully, therein lays my reason.

My story.

It's so difficult, that it's hard to share. Only, it is through my story, that I want to help others. I wouldn't wish several of my experiences on anyone, and I sit/stand/write/ speak before you not to be the cocky know it all blogger, but as someone who's dug through the trenches enough times, that if you really knew, It would break your heart. (Let's just not go there.)

Things I've kept from family, and reasons I am who I am. Forever shaping me.

Aha!

Life has bested us all.

I have tried many times to breakthrough in this world, and make something out of myself. A career, purpose, productivity. It's hard! (Before you say anything, trust me I've tried very hard!)

I still lay dormant in "That" Who am I? I ask myself that everyday. Where am I going? Well that is quite unsteady. What am I doing? I don't know, I guess I'll let you know when I figure that all out.

For now, I'm a mother of four, sharing my musings on the internet world, and creating YouTube videos because its fun. It's ... the only thing I've got keeping me sane.

It's that hour a day I dedicate to do "Me"

You ... are my reason.

My greatest desire is to make a difference. To shed a light in this now darkened world. Life is precious. If I can reach just one soul with my story, than I've succeeded. Today, Only you know if I'm dong my job. I only spiel.

WHAT'S YOUR JEWEL?


Guys I've made two companion pieces to this... Please view them on YouTube:

  1. "Sometimes You Just Gotta Unplug."
  2. Playground Fun in The Sun."

Published by Amanda Gordon "Rare-Ity"