You know what the problem is with Americans and really America? Hate! There's so much hate, we hate everything and everyone and hardly ever have a justifiable reason for doing so. Is there ever a reason to hate someone? What about yourself? When you begin to developing hatred, what do you do next? Do you try getting to the source of the problem, figuring out why you feel such hatred and where it come from so it doesn't consume or change you? Or you hateful and that's that? They say, "we can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves." Kind of hard to be at peace with yourself when you live in world teaching you to hate yourself, don't you think? Seriously, if you think about it, we've been hating since forever, going all the way back to slavery or maybe when they took America from the native Americans or Pilgrims. Hell, I don't know, but back to what I do know, lol. Whites hate blacks, everyone feels some type of way about whites. There's hatred towards minorities, hatred towards gays, towards Obama and now Trump, then Trump clearly hates Latinos, and I don't care what anyone says. Media hates everybody, probably why I'm saving up for a boob and butt job that I'm probably going to end up regretting having done.

Remember when kids starting committing suicide from being bullied starting that whole bullying movement? Well, that's my time, back when I was in middle school and kids were mean as HELL!! My mom always said, "the friends you have in elementary school won't be your friends in middle school and your friends in middle school damn sure won't be your friends in high school," and like always she was right. It's funny because it took growing up, and me getting sexy, for those who never talked to me back in school to even acknowledge me. Although I knew everyone I only had maybe 5 friends. I always blamed that on me being antisocial because I don't believe in the whole cliques and popular crowd hype, I think it's stupid as sh*t. Then I remember having a friend back in middle school who was a cheerleader and lived in the rich neighborhood, like all her friends, and us not hanging out when she would be with her friends because that wasn't my "crowd."I lived not in the hood, but let me see how I can describe it because although everyone at school looked down on us who lived there, it wasn't that bad. It wasn't bad at all.

So there's apartments that accept section 8, and are easy to move into. Being that they accept section 8, that complex has 3 different sections, taking up the whole back area of the neighborhood making it Harper Square. In front of Harper square is Ocean Gates, what'd you see when driving down the street. HAHA, I'm just realizing how appealing the set up of this neighborhood is. Whoever planned this out deserves a raise RIGHT NOW! One side there's The base, I'm assuming an Air force base or something because ALL DAY LONG you hear nothing but jets and the other side there's nice looking apartments that are obviously well maintained and unlike the neighborhood behind it, doesn't look so rough. Anywho, If you had a single parent, you most likely lived in one of these apartments. Which apartment you lived in determined where you fit in, how stupid does that sound? That's why I just go to school and go home. If your parent received some sort of assistance, child support, had a shitty job or didn't have a job at all, your ass was in the back. If your single parent was doing well for them self, you were in the front. If you lived in Harper Square, everyone fucked with you but no one wanted to fck with you because everyone from there had hands (could fight). As for Ocean Gates residence, you're invisible because you live over there. ARE YOU *&^%#$@ KIDDING ME? Luckily, I made a lasting impression giving out ass beatings when I first moved here so Everyone knew, I don't give a damn where I live, respect me or regret the day you met me. The choice is yours.

Kids in my day were judged by their shoes, it was a thing to wear Jordan's. My mom's thing was, " You don't have Jordan Money! If I'm spending that kind of money on shoes, their going to be for me. Get you some Jordan's money and you're more than welcomed to buy them yourself." Being from California, all it took was a pair of chucks and I'm satisfied $45. Then, of course, the brand of your clothes mattered, which I could never understand. Skinny jeans are skinny jeans! Why does it matter if I got mine at Papaya and you got yours at forever 21, THEY'RE THE SAME DAMN PANTS THAT LOOK JUST ALIKE THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THE NAME ON THE TAG. Backpacks mattered, hair mattered, hell it's gotten so bad SOCKS matter more than the shoes. It feels as if we keep that picky, judgmental mindset, never grow out em and carry em, carrying them into adulthood. Then we let the biggest bullies, shit talking and judgmental ones be in charge of magazines, websites and commercials, giving them the pleasure, the power, the joy of reminding you that you STILL ain't shit. Telling you what's beautiful, what's in, they even tell us what's skinny and fat.

My sister thinks I'm ugly because I'm darker than she is, but I'm not even that dark. I personally think I have a nice complexion, my sister is YELLOW! Only white people are lighter than she is. So according to her my brothers and sisters, we're all ugly. lol A girl in Florida asked me to go the tanning salon with her and I damn near slapped skin cancer into her. I told her I'd go get my nails down next door to the tanning salon and she said it was fine but needed me to come in with her for a minute. Do you know honey booboo had the nerve to use me as an example when explaining to the lady what color she was trying to get? REALLY HOE? YOU TRIED! You can't get this in no tanning bed honey, you have go work them corners and let the sun kiss ya for some summers! JUST KIDDING! I'm a "B@(kP@ge H0e" thank god, and don't have a pimp so I have the luxury of doing what I want when I want, where I want. Let me get back on topic.

Even though I received lots of compliments from the staff about my complexion, I was confused as to why this white girl wanted to look like me? Shouldn't it have been the other way around? Do you know the joy that filled my heart to know a white girl wanted MY color! She envied me?! #GOALS #NIGGAWEMADEIT I went straight to Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, YASS HONEY! I had to tell the world! I wanted to jump on tables and chant, "I'M BLACK AND I'M PROUD" lmfao I hate when black girls become so insecure they begin hating them self for someone thing they should be proud of. What ever happen to being black and proud? Why use "DARK N LOVELY" if you don't find yourself to be just that? Now it's one thing to hate your small breast or butt, and to want to have it enhanced, but trying to change something you can't control, the color of your skin, your race and your roots, that's pathetic. One nigga to another. It's embarrassing. You think that makes me feel any better about myself than I did before. You know how that looks to white people, they don't like you anymore and at the end of the day, you're still a NIGGA, nigga!

This world is confused as HELL. Media portrays being black as nothing positive but my grandparent's taught me about the kings and queens I come from, I'm a goddess honey, lol. I wish I was rich because I would take all my sister and we going back to Africa. Honestly, no lol, I'm being so serious. Yea the living is different but unlike going to another country, they're proud, honored and happy to have us. We need that love and appreciation. Maybe everyone should go back home and do some soul searching because white women aren't even want to be their natural color. Shits crazy and I'm blaming those Kardashian's. Look what they did to BRUCE! TO BE CONTINUED.......




Published by ShylahBoss Lee