Lists... we all make them. Notebooks filled with goals, dreams and wishes... sticky note reminders framing your bathroom mirror... mental missions sporadically categorized in the files of your mind... lists filled with what we want for our birthdays or Christmas...bucket lists numbered with every place to be traveled and adventures to be had. However you create your lists, we all have them.

Me, I'm a mental lister and yes I have a bucket list, but I have one more list. I have an "No" list. Now I'm sure that you have a pre-assumption of what is written on that list. No it has nothing to do with a list of things to not do in life or things I've done, but should never do again. My "No" list is a list curated of all of the things that I have been told I would never be able to do in life due to my disorder or as some put it, "you're not good enough.". As youngsters we endlessly imagine all of the careers we'll have when we grow up. I used to dress up in my room and pretend that I was a model. I used to imagine that I was an actress in a thriller movie as the unseen badass villain. I would write poems and thoughts in notebooks because I wanted to be a writer. I drew fashion on the side of my schoolwork as though I were a fashion designer. I would always (still) make every frown I see turn upside down because it kills me inside to see people upset. I love helping people. Since 14 I have wanted to own my own restaurant. As a junior in high school ,I got into photography, capturing life's blurring moments in a state of frozenness (losing my vision shortly into my junior year placed that on hold). So, about a year ago I created a list of all my childhood ambitions and decided that I was going to start a fire. I may get burned, but I'd rather dance in the flames than sit idly by while the Nay-Sayers win. After a long haul of life repeatedly knocking me on my ass, I am now invincibly strong and going for it, all of it. 2016 was the starting date and no matter what I will hustle to kill those "no's" and shock up "yes's". Some may call me crazy, some may mock, some may have me failing from the get go, but I don't give two shits. I have one life and I'm going to live it unstoppably. That's how we should all be living our lives. Embracing our dreams with fire rushing throughout our bodies. So, what's on your list?  


Published by Derra Sabo