How does one accurately describe the feeling of loneliness?
It’s not as in your face like sadness, doesn’t cripple you like fear, and doesn’t leave you crying all night like despair. Loneliness is a peculiar feeling that keeps you up at night wondering if you will ever find someone to accompany you throughout life.
The thing about loneliness that isn’t anything like anger and jealousy, which both hits you on the blind side – no, loneliness is much crueler, because loneliness takes time creeping into your life. It attacks your life slowly, gradually leaving you feeling out of place, like the moon in the daytime, you won’t know what is happening until you’re awake at night, already accepting the fact that we humans must all die alone.
Loneliness is drinking bottle after bottle of alcohol, imagining they’re the lips of another. The essence of loneliness is lying to yourself while you're awake until 3 in the morning, debating if another day out in the world is going to make a difference – it’s wondering if someone will even bother to look for you if you’re gone.
Yet, the most heart-wrenching thing about loneliness is not when you are alone, it’s when you’re surrounded by a dozen of different people and you feel out of place.
Loneliness is a reminder that we all must endure alone. Suffer alone. It’s when your heart is restless at night, waking you up from dreams or rather – nightmares.
Published by Ghela Marie