A Refusal To Live In Fear

In-spite of my own trepidation, I took the advice of both my best friend and my mentor and decided to jump in head first into the world of online dating.  My experience has been both of shock, humor, and sadness as I have come to realize that most humans, especially single women, are unwilling to let go of their past experiences with members of the opposite sex.  I must first admit that I was at first curious to see how I would fare in a world of selfish, narcissistic ego-maniacs; people who are so obsessed with both their own physical appearance and the physical appearance of others.  My own mother had told me, back in 2009, that once I lost weight, that no woman would be able to resist me and would happily fall for me.  The problem with that is that no matter how many times women tell me how attractive I appear to them, I will always deny their opinions due to my very poor and non-existent self esteem because of the physical and emotional abuse I suffered at the hands of my parents.  Now, I have come to find that women, mostly of my own race, find me very attractive and irresistible; even to the point that it has become a suffocation to my own private, lonely life.

Even with the positive vibes that I can attract from women, there will always be women who have chosen to live under the bridges and roofs created by fear and paranoia.  Now, this is not to discount their own trepidation because when dealing with human beings, you are likely to get good or bad people, there is no room for any kind of in-between when it comes to the personality and morals of mankind.  I chose to use the free platform Plenty of Fish and OkCupid because I refuse to pay to simply send messages to ladies that were interested in getting to know me.  At first, I sent messages, only to get no response and in some cases, received a blocked message notification because some skank bitch slut refused to believe that there was a nice man simply trying to start up a conversation with them.  However, as I continued to stay on these dating websites, I received plenty of messages and after talking to some of the ladies, they told me of their horrific stories about meeting fake people who were scam artists, to meeting men who had misled them only to ask for sex, or to exchange numbers with a prison inmate who simply wanted to make new contacts outside of the prison walls.

I suppose that is the price that you must pay when you establish a free dating service where anyone can post pictures of themselves and make up an identity with the intentions of providing faux love interests to women who had their hearts broken in the past.  I very much sympathize with their stories but I still warned these women that they must not let bad experiences with a few men ruin their desires to find true love with a person that the Lord, God has created for them.  I refuse to live in my life in such fear merely because I have had bad experiences with women, women that I now refer to as sluts, skanks, bitches, and whores to differentiate them from the good, kind women that still exist in this world.  It is quite comic because one of my dates was hesitant to meet me because she thought that my pictures were fake and that she was going to get “catfished” but I did my best to assure her that it was me when she met with me early in the morning.  It is this fear and paranoia that I, and all trusting people, must fight against as we make our life journey to find true love, to find the love of our lives that will complete our lives.

Lastly, a huge problem that I face is that women seem to refuse to commit to a relationship because of previous bad experiences, but as I have told them all, you must not let bad people burn out your inner light, your inner innocence due to their own evil and twisted lives.  I am living proof that you can forgive the most evil done against you by many human beings and still try to fight for the freedom of all people and to still search for the one person who will give me the two things in my life that I have never received: unconditional love and unconditional loyalty.  Who know, maybe such a person will not exist as long as I am alive or living in America.  Maybe I might need to make good on my final promises to exile myself to Ecuador and cut off all contact and communication with everyone who has even known me as I would then set forth on my plans for a truly nihilistic life in Ecuador free from my past life and from past friends and relationships.  In the end, we know not what the future holds for any of us; I might still end up in Ecuador even if I find the love of my life as I would decide that it is best for me to simply live in perfect isolation than to waste away from a woman who I had to settle for.  For those who have not given up on true love, I must say to you, happy fishing and for those who have given up on finding their special someone, know that you haven’t given up on that person, but you have merely given up on yourself and have extinguished the light that was once lit in your own heart.

Published by Henry Graves


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