No, this is not an excuse for not blogging for centuries now. I’ve been depressed. I still am. And what better topic to write on a fine sad day, Monday, other than depression and suicide (I write my post the day before Tuesday because Mondays are depressing and I only write when I’m depressed :D).
The following are the things I’ve been doing to avoid suicide (although, the reason that I’m still alive and suffering was mainly because of my inexplicable phobia of death), so these may not be applicable to others:
· Listen to upbeat music. It helps, trust me. However, only listen to songs that don’t have any piano or violin solos. Do not pay attention to the lyrics or the meaning of the song. As long as it gives that upbeat rhythm that you need, you’re okay.
· Think about the consequences. I know all of the suicidal people, including me, have already searched “Easiest and Painless Ways to Die” on Google. Lately, I found out that the quickest way to die is a gunshot through the mouth, which basically takes you, more or less, six seconds (I really thought it was instant, in fact, you’re going to suffer for a few more seconds). Whatever methods of suicide you can think of, there’s always a slight chance you might survive. Think about the pain, think about the impairments you might suffer afterwards, think about the BLOOD, if there’s any. (side note: taking sleeping pills is the easiest BUT ineffective way to die, so don’t try it).
· Think about your family and friends. I do think about them. I know they care even though they don’t make me feel it. Or at least, I think they do. I have anxiety issues, too, so I’m basically scared of what other people might think of me. Like, “God, such a waste, she was so young. So many time on her hands. So many things to see.” I pity them, honestly. Life is only short if you haven’t been alive for too long. And I haven’t been alive long enough now.
· www.depression-chat-rooms.org. Yeah, I’m a frequent visitor. Somehow, it makes me better talking to someone who understands and has experienced depression. No, we don’t talk about suicide (most of the time). We talk about stuff that could make us feel better, make us move on from this challenge that we call life.
· The 3-day rule. I’ve read about this somewhere. (I couldn’t find the post anymore so it might not be three days.) Anyway, if you’re contemplating about suicide at the moment, give yourself a good three days before committing it. If something or someone, somehow, makes you happy, even for a little while, within that three days, then count from the start again (It seems like the world has to offer something or I might die, but you get the idea).
· Find a hobby. I have grown apathetic to almost everything now. So it’s really hard to find something to cheer me up. I could pretend I’m happy but I know I’m only fooling myself. But seriously though, find something to do that you’re good at. Don’t mind other people’s bad comments about wasting time or the like. As the saying goes, people that mind don’t matter and people that matter don’t mind.
· Step out of your comfort zone. I’m an introvert myself. And it’s hard being both depressed and introverted. But lately, I found myself amazed by how much I’ve changed. I attended lectures. I attended events. And these things required me to talk to people in person (And I hate talking to people outside the computer). And it amazed me by the fact that I became slightly the initiator of the conversation. I know it’s not much but it’s still out of my comfort zone.
· Worry. I know. It’s a crazy thing to do. But living with anxiety most of my life, worrying can stray my mind off from suicide (because, mainly, I have things to worry about other than killing myself). Although, don’t worry too much, for you might find suicide as your only solution (which is not a helping case, btw).
And that’s that, I guess. I may not be able to help others. I’m sorry for that. Each person has a different reason why he/she is sad. What is sad to others may not be that sad to some. So depression is kind of a solo challenge that one should find ways to get through. And I’ve been searching ways, to be honest. Although, I may need a little bit more of help.
Published by Jenny Lou Cruzado