If She Says “No Tea, Please”

If She Says “No Tea, Please”

Sep 7, 2016, 3:58:41 PM Opinion

Well, I know that this video has become viral already (that is why I found it in the first place), but it’s too good to pass up.

According to this METRO article by Oliver Wheaton, “Sex and consent is a difficult issue, mainly because something that seems so simple is continually ‘misunderstood’ in rape cases. Thames Valley Police have highlighted the issue by promoting a cartoon comparing sex to a well known British pastime – drinking a cup of tea.” It may seem to be kind of humorous, but the message is very clear, hopefully, even to the most simple-minded individuals — SEX WITHOUT CONSENT IS RAPE.

The video came out especially because of a recently concluded case where a college student, found guilty of assault and digital rape, was only given a six-months probation! Shame on that judge! This, and a whole lot of other things that degraded her dignity more, prompted the victim to write and read an emotionally powerful letter to her attacker.

Rape culture is such a shame. I just heard a story the other day about some guys practically calling their friend stupid for losing an opportunity. “She STAYED with you outside till the wee hours of the morning! Of course, she wanted ‘it’!”

Hey, men, NEWSFLASH! If a girl does that, it does not necessarily mean she wants to have sex with you. Maybe she simply enjoys your company (which maybe a plus point for you if you’re interested in her, although it doesn’t guarantee anything), or she wants to get to know you more since she is actually contemplating if it would be wise to be in a relationship with you (which you could ruin if you act like a total Neanderthal like the mentioned guy’s friends).

And while we’re at it, a woman may wear sexy/revealing clothes if she wants to. May not be wise, but it’s her right, anyway. But she is not asking for you to touch her, assault her, rape her. It’s not even her clothes but your biases and mental problem. Many fall victim to rape when they actually go out in public fully clothed. Do they ask to be raped?

Being someone’s spouse, partner or boyfriend/girlfriend does not entitle you either to get your free sex even if s/he doesn’t want to give it. And, please, CHILDREN never ask for it, however you think that they do in your twisted mind.

It is NEVER anyone’s right to force himself/herself on others. It is NEVER the victim’s fault. What part of NO is incomprehensible to you? NO means NO.

Oh, and by the way, always remember what is said in the video: “If they’re unconscious, they don’t want tea.” In fact, if in the middle of drinking the tea, they decide they don’t want it, they don’t want it, PERIOD.

The world still has a lot to learn. Especially when there’s still so much inequality out there…



The article was originally posted on my blog last June 16. I thought I'd share it again, as it's still kind of recent, plus all these things coming out on media have been brewing in my mind, e.g. women should  wear makeup even if they don't want to, women doing great in the Olympics but the men in their lives get most of the credit, men demanding that women give them the time even when the latter want to be alone (I get the concept of being courteous, really I do and advise it, but we really have no right to be entitled to an individual's personal space and attention and then peg it to "nasty" feminism or whatever since we can't accept that we're not entitled).

Anyway, the "I said No" image I found online is courtesy of Equality Archive.

And I hope everyone drinks tea safely ;)

Published by J.Gi Federizo

Comments (2)

Sep 8, 2016, 5:49:08 AM

I would understand that frame of mind if we're still living in the past decades, the 90s included maybe. But we're way past the 90s. Are people still living in a cave and think, "You Jane, you mine. Me man, you follow."? Sexual intimacy is necessary, maybe even ground for divorce if a partner is continually deprived of it. But it is never a right to force it on someone who has his/her own right to his/her own body. Right to ask is not the same as right to take without permission.

Sep 8, 2016, 2:51:01 AM

Great post! My biggest pet peeve is when people say, "It's not rape if you're married" and laugh like its funny. It's so disgusting that people think that way :(

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