5 Compliments That Are Actually Insults

“You carry your weight well”

Honestly what the fuck kind of thing to say is this? It’s not a compliment. It’s just a ‘nice’ way of saying “hey, you’re fat but I still deem you acceptably fat/attractive somehow”. The only difference between this and “you’re pretty hot for a fat girl” is the person saying it because a fuckboy would never be smart enough to come up with something like “you carry your weight well”.  

“You look so pretty when you do your eyes all up”

So you’re telling me that the other 95% of the time when I maybe throw on a bit of mascara I look like shit? Gee, thanks. It’s not like I get up at the asscrack of dawn to get ready for work or anything like that. Plus, I have to wear glasses all day long, so what’s even the point of wasting the time and energy to doll my eyes up? Not to mention makeup is fucking expensive and if it’s not being put to use on a night out then who cares.

“I love how you’ll just wear anything”

Well it’s not like the paparazzi are hiding out behind bushes and dumpsters to take my picture anyway. And even if they were – I don’t fucking dress for them, or anyone for that matter. The only person who has to approve what I wear is my damn self when I look in the mirror before stepping out of the house. I’m sorry you’re so preoccupied with what people think of you, but don’t try to put that shit on me.

“You look so pretty when you smile”

What do you mean my resting bitchface doesn’t make me look pretty? Don’t tell me to smile. I’ll smile when I’m goddamn good and ready. You telling me to smile makes me want to do it that much less. You walking away from me and/or shutting your fucking mouth will make me smile faster than you trying to tell me what to do.

“You look great – did you lose weight?”

Wow. Okay the mother of all insults thinly veiled as compliments. First of all, whatever gave you the impression you have the authority to comment on anybody’s weight in any way? I don’t want you to say a single fucking thing about my weight. Ever. Say I have lost weight and you say I look great…what did you think I looked like before?? I’m guessing pretty terrible. And you have no idea what I’m going through in order to lose weight. It might be hard for your tiny brain to comprehend, but even people who are overweight can have an eating disorder, or at the very least suffer from disordered eating. I’m eating 400 calories a day and I’m dizzy as hell, but Sandra from accounting says I look great. Yippee! And what if I gain that weight back? Do I no longer look great? Should I start majorly cutting back on calories again? FUCK. YOU.