First of all, Happy Women's Day.
I was in college when I first heard about a day to celebrate Women. I never knew what to do and how to celebrate that day. Still, not exactly sure of how I should be celebrating it; so, I thought of writing
How Men should treat their Woman How a woman should treat other women and herself?
Why I do not want to focus on Men here is because all the strong women that I have seen and admired in my life, they have soared high in their lives did so by fighting against patriarchy system. They are not successful because of a man who is in/out of their life. They are successful because they are strong and confident women who chose to live life on their own terms. Point being the support of a male figure in your life is meaningless if you are not capable enough to stand on your feet.
So, putting Men aside, I want to celebrate women by talking about women and how can We be the ones to inspire other women.
The most important thing that every girl/woman should understand is that if there is anything that will be her 'Jeevan-Saathi' (Life Partner/Supporter) for all her life; it is going to be her Education and her Skills. Mentioning skills here because I belong to a country where education to girls is considered a privilege, and not everyone is born privileged.
Point to Note - Never ever, I repeat, Never Ever in your life compromise on your education. The whole world may go against you but there is no noble fight than to fight for the right of your education. I was (still am) termed the most difficult child of my family because I went on hunger strikes many times to complete my post-graduation and I am hella proud of it.
Other than Education, the next big thing is - your Career. I have nothing against homemakers and women who worked but left their job to take care of their kids. I did that too, for 5 years, I quit my work and raised my 3 kids. I was happy with my decision but with time I realized how people's perception will change once you are no longer working (earning money). This is the hardest decision a working woman must make. No one else can raise your kids the way you can, and if you try to manage both kids and your career then your parenting skills will be judged every time you will leave for office. Hell, even your working skills will be questioned every time you leave your office for home.
Point being - No matter what you do, you will be judged, so ignore the world and just focus on what is best for you. Always keep yourself and your kids on priority. First You.
Being a homemaker is harder, as generally, I have seen that nobody takes you seriously. Most of the people think of you as an illiterate girl. As if you know nothing about what is happening around in this world; as if you don't have any opinion; and, as if your life revolves around kitchen and kids. That's it. Nothing wrong, even if this is your whole life. What more fulfilling than this?
Point to note here - Invest in some hobby. Have something creative to do in your life. You would definitely need a 'Me Time' in your daily routine. Never compromise on that. If you value yourself and invest in yourself; only then people around you will value you.
The Next Big thing is choosing your life partner (Husband this time). No matter if you are going for an arranged marriage or love marriage; do make a point to know the person before you tie the knot. Talk to him, meet him, spend time with him, discuss everything you think is important to know; discuss your values and discuss your future dreams and aspirations. It is rather hard in case of arranged marriages where girls do not get much time and also have to maintain an image of shy Indian bride and thus do not discuss much with their future life partner, but a little shyness today may cost you a lifetime compromise. Another thing that we are told since childhood is that parents know what is best for you. But, do they know the complete you? My parents always thought of me as the quiet and lonely in her world kind of girl; while my friends knew me as the most talkative, outspoken one; my teachers thought of me as a studious and no-nonsense girl; while my colleagues think of me as a prankster. Contrary to everyone else, my husband still thinks of me as 'kitni seedhi hai' :P
Point to note: Only you know yourself better. You know what qualities your ideal partner should have. Parents, relatives, or friends can help you with your decision, but it should be Your Decision.
There will be many such important decisions that you have to make in your life, like when to have kids, how many kids, how to raise them, where to live, what to cook for dinner, etc... make sure that your voice is heard and respected in all these decisions. Whatever impacts you, must have your say in it.
Few more random points:
- Do not blame your parents, or your siblings, friends, relatives for your life's decisions. If you chose a subject in class because your parents asked you to and now you are regretting it; it is your fault that you didn't have the courage and conviction to fight for what you actually wanted.
- If a woman is in an abusive relationship, never ever judge the actions of that woman. Abuse is abuse. It does not matter what she did to deserve that abuse. Nothing justifies abuse of any kind.
- On the same note - if a woman is going through a divorce, or fighting a cheating husband; NO, it was not her fault that her husband cheated on her. Also, no it's not her karma. It was an abusive, cheating man who has to be blamed for this and that's it.
- Be confident in your own body. You are fat, slim, ugly, pretty, fashionable, or whatever the hell you have labeled yourself - once you are confident about your own body and how you look; these words and labels won't matter. Most of the time, we are the ones who label ourselves in our mind and then we start looking for reasons to verify these labels whenever we talk to someone.
- If someone insults you, about your looks, clothes or anything; be upfront and talk to them. Most of the time, I have found that another person was either jealous or I just misunderstood them. You should feel prouder of yourself if the reason is their jealousy.
- Not everyone is out there to get you. If you will ask for help, you will get help. Talk to other women around you. You won't believe but most of us face the same kind of problems and know how to help another lady.
- Do not stop learning. Do not stop growing. Use every opportunity to become a better version. Do not waste this life just being what you were yesterday.
- Be confident. Be Positive. Be Calm and be Strong.
- Step out and don't forget to apply sunscreen.
Shine My Girl!!
Published by Jyoti Singh